JACK: Is it weird that I miss seeing the kitchen full of flowers all day every day?

ME: Um, no. My creations are stunning and you were lucky to be able to behold them.

ME: Also, this space is perfect for me and have I said thank you yet?

JACK: About a million times.

ME: Let’s go for a million and one.

ME: THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

JACK: You’re welcome.

ME: If you miss the flowers that badly, you’re welcome up here anytime. Obviously. Since this is your house and all.

JACK: I may take you up on that.

JACK: Did you have a plan for lunch?

ME: Not at the moment.

JACK: Want to go grab something? Or I could pick something up and bring it back, if you’re busy.

ME: I could come with you to grab something quick.

JACK: Cool. Text me whenever you’re ready.

ME: So you know that feeling when you’re secretly crushing hard-core on your roommate and he like kind of knows it but you haven’t explicitly discussed it but when you subtly discussed it he asked you to give him some time and wait for him to be ready and you agreed because you like him too much to say no but you’re also super impatient and so now every time you’ve looked at him since then—FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS—your stomach has gone all flippy and you think you might be losing it if he doesn’t kiss you soon but he shows no sign of kissing you?

GEMMA: . . .

HARLEY: . . .

GEMMA: What the fuck did I just read.

ME: I think I might be losing my mind.

GEMMA: Ya think?

ME: So, real question: can I just jump his bones?

HARLEY: Verbal consent, Sade. Before and during.

ME: Why you gotta be all legal about it?

HARLEY: Just trying to keep you out of jail.

GEMMA: Practically a full-time job on its own.

ME: Wow. Rude.

HARLEY: Seems like you might be in need of a girls’ night.

ME: Yes please.

ME: God I’m so horny.

GEMMA: Not that kind of girls’ night.