When Mummy turned the lights off, I hugged Mohini’s pillow tightly. I was surrounded by so much empty room that I felt a lump rising within me. I reached out my hand to see if I could feel Mohini, if I could just touch her and whisper something to her. She’d been with me for all these years, and maybe I could still make her be there. But in one night she was gone, and all the years of habit, love, desire, or imagination couldn’t bring her back.

The lump rested in my throat and mixed with the salty air I breathed. I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, the pillowcases were smeared with black kohl.

After Mohini left, Mummy kept sighing, “When a daughter leaves, your heart pricks.” I noticed Mummy wiping her eyes with the end of her sari when she thought no one was looking. The pricking of her heart and her sadness surprised me, but I was too busy getting ready for my finals to give it much thought.

thirteen

NOW I HAD to catch up on my studies. Because Foi had come for two weeks in January for the wedding, she wouldn’t be coming back to stay and help me prepare for my tests like she usually did; I had to study on my own. I was worried about that, but something unexpected happened. It was as if a gift had blown in through the window. One day, Mummy said, “It might be good for you to study with Sarina. You know, two can undertake a task better than one.”

“Oh!”

“She may come over any time.”

“With so many of us, it’ll be hard for Sarina to concentrate. She’s not used to it,” I said.

“Then maybe you can go to her house, and if it’s fine with her family, you can stay the night, too.”

I danced inside, but I dared not show my delight. “I’ll talk to her,” I said, and continued to read about the battle of Paniput.

I packed for Sarina’s house for the weekend as if I were going on a grand vacation. Since I had a pair of green-and-gold dangling earrings, I selected cotton salwar-khameez in the palest shade of green, with a matching dupatta to wear with it. It was one of my best everyday outfits. Mohini had let me have one of her perfumes. Its scent had a soothing, evocative feel to it, as if fragrant flowers were mixed with ghazals. I took that with me.

On Friday night Sarina and I studied for Saturday’s assignment and then went to bed early. After lunch on Saturday afternoon Mrs. Judge said, “Don’t forget we’re going to Uncle’s house for dinner.”

My heart jumped.

“Not me,” I said, hoping I was invited.

“You are too.”

“I’m not family. Are you sure they want me to come?”