He didn’t say anything. He bought some peanuts from a vendor and we both ate as we strolled along the ocean. It wasn’t raining, but the air was heavy and it felt as though we were waddling through it.

Then it was time for me to go home. I was afraid Neel would ask when I could see him again. I hated myself for not knowing the answer. Instead he asked, “Your mummy likes Sarina, right?”

“She likes her a lot.”

“Then, if you tell her that Sarina and I are cousins, and the three of us are good friends, wouldn’t she be fine with it? That way you can be honest with her and not have to make excuses to see me.”

“I wish it were that simple. Think of the time when your grandmother was our age. Would her mother have allowed her to go out with a boy?”

“Of course not. Fifty years ago no one would have. But now it is different, isn’t it?”

“Not for Mummy”

“What will you do if your mummy never lets you see me?”

“I’ll see you somehow. You know that.”

“I suppose,” he said. His voice sounded dull, as if all the emotion had been sucked out of it.

By the time I got home I was mad at everyone: at Mummy for being so unreasonable, at Neel for insisting on my telling Mummy about us, and at myself for not having the courage to tell her.

seventeen

AS SOON AS I entered the house I found Mummy waiting for me in the living room. Even before I took my sandals off, she said, “Where have you been? And with whom? You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You’re determined to spoil your reputation and drown our family name.”

“What have I done?”

“Who is the hali-mavali people have seen you with? Who is he?”

He’s not a hali-mavali; he’s a decent person, I wanted to shout. Instead I stood there without answering. If Mummy didn’t know much, then opening my mouth would just give her more information. The door to the bedroom was closed and I saw Mohini’s and Chiraj’s faces pressed against the iron grille of the window. Mummy had made them all go into the bedroom.

I stared at the picture of Krishna Bhagavan and begged for courage. He smiled back mysteriously.

My silence made Mummy angrier. “Three or four people have mentioned that they’ve seen you with a boy. Are they right?”

I stayed quiet.

“Why can’t you be like Nimita and Mohini? Why do you have to run around with who knows what kind of boy? Answer me. Have you been going out without telling me? Have you?”

“Yes, but—”

“What’s his name? Who’s ruining your reputation and ours?”

“He is not, and—”

“Don’t argue with me. Tell me his name.”

“I can’t tell.”