I didn’t set out to write a book about failure. This was supposed to be a fluffy holiday rom com about a lesbian Bill Pullman, but fairly early in the drafting process, it became clear to me that fear was at the core of Ellie’s story. And it makes sense. I started writing this book in June 2020, right after I’d sold my debut novel, and I was coming to terms with the fact that people were actually going to read something I wrote. That I was going to be PERCEIVED. It was a dream come true, yes, but for a closeted perfectionist, I couldn’t imagine anything more terrifying than showing strangers all of me. In many ways, this book is my way of processing that fear, of trying to convince myself that some things are too spectacular for fear.

So, thank you first and foremost to my therapist, Karen, always, for helping me redefine what it means to fail and what it means to succeed and what it means to be proud of yourself just for showing up. You know this one was entirely a joint effort.

Thank you to my brilliant and tireless editor, Kaitlin Olson, for always taking a leap with me. Thank you for your insights and your patience in guiding me through this process, and thank you for believing I could do it, even when I wasn’t so sure.

Thank you to my agent, Bibi Lewis, who supported this book back when it was nothing more than a poorly fleshed-out, gay While You Were Sleeping fanfic, and who helped me find the story I truly wanted to tell. Thank you for talking me out of so many bad ideas (including the coma). I’m so fortunate to have an agent who is compassionate about mental health and who treats clients with such care. I wouldn’t want to go through this with anyone but you.

Thank you to all the passionate people behind the scenes at Atria and Simon & Schuster who helped bring this book into the world. Thank you to the greatest publicist of all time, Megan Rudloff, who works so hard for her authors—I can’t believe how lucky I am to work with you. Thank you Raaga Rajagopala and Katelyn Phillips, for your marketing acumen, and Polly Watson, for always making copyedits so darn fun. Thank you Sarah Horgan, for the gorgeous cover, and Lexy Alemao, for your equally gorgeous interior designs. Thank you to editorial assistants Jade Hui and Elizabeth Hitti; my production editor, Liz Byer; my managing editor, Paige Lytle; and my managing editorial assistant, Iris Chen. Thank you to Nicole Bond, for getting this book and The Charm Offensive into foreign markets. Thank you to all the people in sales and production I neglected to mention but whose tireless work is the backbone of this industry. It takes so many people to make this dream a reality, and you’re all appreciated beyond measure.