I’m sorry, she wrote, hoping it would somehow help. But she knew it wouldn’t even as she hit Send.

Nothing could turn back the hands of time.

Eight

Saturday, December 18

Tia woke up with a crick in her neck. She’d fallen asleep on the couch while holding her phone. She’d known better than to expect an immediate response from her mother. By the time she’d answered Gloria’s text it had been almost midnight California time and two hours later in Iowa. The difference in time zones meant her mother would be up now, however. Gloria always woke with the sun. Almost every good Mennonite did.

A sense of impending doom hung over Tia like a dark cloud as she risked a glance at her phone. Sure enough, her mother had responded.

When are you coming back to Kalona?

To Gloria, being sorry meant Tia would finally obey her parents, and that included returning to Iowa. But how many times had she told her mother that she was helping out a friend? That she couldn’t come home?

After Christmas.

You’re going to miss the holidays? We were hoping to have a memorial for Uncle Wilson now that things have calmed down. You don’t want to be part of that?

She hadn’t been there for his funeral because she’d still been in the hospital when Uncle Wilson died after a protracted battle with cancer. It wasn’t as if she’d arbitrarily chosen to stay away—although, if she was being completely honest, there was a small part of her that was relieved to be able to hide from her family during that sad event. Her mother had flown out right after the accident to see her in the hospital. Tia had been so heavily drugged at the time she hadn’t yet had to face her mother with all of her faculties intact. Gloria hadn’t stayed very long. She’d felt too out of place and uncomfortable in the big city. It was the first time she’d ever stayed in a hotel or been on a plane.

Tia had hoped to be much stronger when she did have to face her mother, and her father, too. But Gloria was essentially screaming You screwed up again. Now, prove you love us by doing penance. Which meant admitting defeat by going home. Gloria had always used guilt and shame to manipulate her children, which was one of the reasons Tia had been so eager to get away.

With a sigh, she combed her fingers through her tangled hair. She couldn’t deal with this. She’d been foolish to let her mother engage her to begin with. She’d decided days ago that for her own sanity she had to step back from everyone—most especially her family.