“It’s not,” she insisted. “Suffering is suffering. And who understands suffering better than you?”

Maybe if he’d been able to get clear of the jagged rocks of life himself, he could take on Tia. After he married Shiloh he’d thought he was there, finally knew what happiness was. But that had all changed the day he lost her. With so many of his own issues, how could he ever save Tia or anyone else?

Tia had been staring at her mother’s message for the past hour. She’d tried to write back several times but always deleted it. How could she explain how hard she was fighting just to get through each day? That she’d felt as though she was being tossed about on very rough seas with no way of finding safe harbor?

She couldn’t withstand her family’s criticism on top of that. She knew they wanted her to admit she’d been wrong for leaving in the first place and to come back, but she could never be satisfied living the way they did. She felt claustrophobic just thinking about getting caught in Kalona for the rest of her life. Did it make her a bad person that she wouldn’t sacrifice her own wants and desires to please her parents and continue to be part of the community they felt was so important? That she couldn’t fit into the same mold as her sister and brother?

How many times had her parents told her she had no business trying to be an actress in the first place? They considered Hollywood a den of the profligate, the wanton and the greedy, had told her all along that such a wicked place would destroy her soul. And for what? According to them, acting didn’t contribute anything meaningful to life. Her chances of success were one in a million, anyway.

At least she’d proven them wrong on that count. She would’ve been successful, could’ve been if only she hadn’t had that accident. But I told you so garnered her nothing, because it was their I told you so that rang loudest and clearest. They were still angry they’d lost control of her, in spite of the pressure they’d put on her to stay.

Her chest was growing tight again.

Dropping her head in her hands, she began to rub her temples. She wished she could tell her mother that she wasn’t ignoring her family, she was just putting the pieces of her life back together. But her mother heard only what she wanted to hear and saw only what she wanted to see. Gloria believed Tia wouldn’t be in her current situation if only Tia had listened, and Tia couldn’t argue with that. It wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t come to California.