For the first decade, I had moped around, pissing off Felix more and more with every word I spoke. I wasn’t sure our relationship was ever repairable. Two people should never be trapped for so long with only each other. Maybe if we were on the outside, it would be different. Probably not, but we wouldn’t be stuck together, two opposite ends of a magnet being forced to interact.

I had always known the library existed, but in my second decade here, I grew desperate enough to explore it. I fell in love with the dark space, the faded chairs, and the sweeping walls of bookcases. I started with the encyclopedias, moving on to the classics that would be worth thousands in used books stores–if anyone could ever get their hands on them. And then I read them all again. And again. The library became my sanctuary. The facts became weights to keep me grounded to reality, as if knowing what happened in the outside world made me a part of everything passing me by. Looking at life in the black and white helped me process things that felt impossible to comprehend.

It’s impossible to hum while you hold your nose. Newborns can’t cry tears.

I was trapped inside a cursed house. And Savannah was the prettiest woman I had ever seen in my life. I could see why Felix had been so preoccupied with her, and why Theo had seduced her. I could also understand how Theo had been the one she chose. He was easy, in a way Felix and I would never be. It seemed like people would naturally gravitate towards Theo. I was jealous of him for that, but I had never been quite as jealous as when I saw Savannah straightening her clothes as she stood, the smell of sex heavy in the air.

For humans, sex was a survival mechanism. I knew it as clearly as I knew my name, and what my face looked like in the cloudy mirrors. After all, seeking pleasure was one of the strongest human instincts. When everything you’ve known was shaken up, it was only natural for two young, good-looking people to bond physically. Sexually.

And fuck if I didn’t want to be him. What would it feel like to have her roll her hips against me, moaning my name as she came on my cock? Would it be like everything I had been imagining my entire life?

“Cat got your tongue?”