“I wasn’t going to.” I held the hooch in both hands, the jar nearly empty at this point. My body heated, and my fingertips tingled. I was sure if I stood up, I’d be as drunk as anything. But for right now, sitting next to Theo, I was enjoying a warm glow. His leg pressed against mine, and I leaned into the touch, comforted by the caress of another who understood the fucked-up situation we were in. “I was going to say I understood.”

“Do you though?” Theo pierced me with those blue eyes of his. I was unable to look away, like we were having more of a conversation with our stares than we were with our words. “Do you really understand what it feels like to be alone in the world?” His voice had dropped to a low whisper, and he shifted closer to me. His breath was sweet, and slightly bitter, an odd combination from the alcohol.

“I understand more than you know.” I leaned in further, entranced by his calm presence, and intoxicated by more than just the booze. I understood why Theo was down here in the basement, drinking until he couldn’t feel. I knew why I took the hooch when he offered it to me. I completely got why I was drawn to his touch, talking so closely our lips were nearly pressed together.

Because sometimes it was easier to focus on one feeling than it was to acknowledge the rest. You couldn’t think about making the biggest mistake of your life if you were too drunk to feel your fingertips. You couldn’t regret a moment that never happened if you were throwing yourself completely into something–or someone–else.

Theo took the jar from my hand and set it down on the stairs. When he turned back towards me, he cradled my head in one hand, tracing my lips with the fingertips of the other. His touch was nothing more than a gentle breeze, pulling me in a direction I was already headed. “Sweet girl, I wish you didn’t.”

Something tugged at my heart, squeezing it. I looked away. “Me either.”

He laced his fingers into my hair, making me look at him, into his eyes I wanted to drown beneath. His other hand feathered down my neck. “One day you’ll tell me your story. But not today.”

With those words, he closed the distance between us, capturing my lips in a deep kiss. For a moment I found myself doubting. Unsure. Frozen. Was I really doing this? And then I remembered everything that had happened since this morning, and the surreal reality I now found myself in. My body remembered what to do.