College went out the window, along with anything else other than beer and weed. Sometimes MDMA if I could get my hands on it. But I wasn’t picky. Anything worked.

“Buddy? Where did you say you were going again?”

I blinked awake, having lost an entire span of time while wrapped up in my thoughts. I appeared to be in someone’s truck. Wasn’t unusual. I was hitchhiking my way across the country. I hoped to end up in California. 24/7 sun sounded right up my alley. I’d have to find a job at some point. My pockets had grown increasingly thin over the last four years, most of my parent’s insurance money spent at the liquor store instead of college classes. “As far west as you’ll take me.”

We were somewhere in Ohio at this point, if the street signs were to be trusted. Next to me, the driver sighed, an old man. “You sure? I’m headed up north after this town here. I don’t mind taking you with me. You look like you could use a good meal or two. Besides, it looks like it's going to storm. You don’t want to get caught on the road when it starts snowing.”

I shook my head. “No thanks. If you don’t mind dropping me off at a motel or something though? I’ll get a room for the night.” I didn’t need kindness or generosity. I needed to be numb, and whatever high I had was quickly wearing off. I needed another hit, and I probably wouldn’t be able to snag it in this nice man’s truck. “Honestly, anywhere will do,” I mumbled.

Fuck, this feeling shit was for the birds. I didn’t want to feel. I wanted to be fun Theo, the one who didn’t give a shit. The one who girls wanted to date, and guys wanted to be. Not this Theo. Sad Theo who aged out of foster care, and whose parents died in a house fire.

“You don’t need to do this alone.” I wasn’t sure if I actually heard the driver whisper it, or if it was a figment of my imagination.

I didn’t say anything. We passed the rest of the drive in silence, and I watched the dark clouds roll in. Winter was early this year, and I would’ve put money on the fact the old man was right, and we were going to see snow tonight. He pulled into an almost-empty motel parking lot, a “vacancy” sign flashing in one window. I was counting down the minutes until I would be high, hopefully the second I stepped inside the motel room and could spark my joint.