I couldn’t remember the last time I had been this furious. Anger had been a close friend of mine after a few years trapped in the house. I spent my time in the basement, tearing those paintings that reminded me of Hannah to tiny shreds, tearing them some more, and then lighting them on fire.

I had given up everything I had ever known for a woman who never loved me to begin with, and I had never forgiven myself for it. So instead of trying to forgive, I got mad. Eventually, though, my fury subsided. Lucky for Luther, since it was long before he ever showed up. My anger had hardened into cool detachment. Emotions had only fucked with me before, and I wouldn’t give them the chance to do so again. Luther didn’t appreciate my “attitude” and was constantly trying to parent me, but eventually we found a rhythm that involved little interaction with each other.

And then Theo showed up on my doorstep. Numb, drunk, Theo, who couldn’t process a feeling to save his life. Seeing the pain he tried so hard to avoid only made me more emotionless, because I didn’t want to turn into him. I didn’t want to feel all those hurts again, the wounds I had long since stitched up.

But when Savannah arrived, fuck me if I didn’t throw all my hard work out the window. My feelings for her crept up on me, even though I had told myself they weren’t real. I had lain with her in bed at night, wondering how I had gotten so lucky, even in this hellhole. Only for me to find out her best friend’s family was involved in cursing me in the first place. There was no way she didn’t know, I thought, but she swore she didn’t. Now I was only confusing myself further. But I’d almost crossed the line by shaking her.

It’s why I had to leave the room, remove myself from the situation before the fury returned. As angry as I was, I didn’t want to hurt Savannah. Now I was away from it all, in my safe place, my heartbeat settling, my breathing returning to normal. I could almost think clearly again.

She banged on the door, calling for me, begging for me to open up. But my emotions were still raw, and I didn’t want to snap at her, or make the situation worse. Eventually I heard her slide down the door, coming to rest on the floor just outside. A few minutes later, Luther’s voice called her away, and for the first time I breathed a sigh of relief that she had more than just me to rely on.

I needed time to get my head on straight if I didn’t want to lose her.