“You did, you were great,” he sighed. “This shouldn’t be your responsibility, Yuli.” He started rummaging through his pants pockets.

“What are you looking for?”

“Pills,” he replied. “I probably forgot them at home.”

“You? Mr. Organized?”

“I know, right?” he replied, still going through his pockets.

“Go get some sleep,” I told him.

“It’s my shift. You go sleep.”

“It’s okay, I’ll stay on a bit longer with Grandpa. I’m not tired.”

“Okay, so maybe just a short nap,” he conceded. “But wake me up in an hour, okay? I’ll come switch with you.”

“Sure,” I lied to him. “No problem.”

He slipped off his shoes, kicking them into the middle of the living room instead of placing them neatly side by side like he always did. Then he leaned back in the armchair, struggling to find a comfortable position. I wanted to suggest he move to the couch or something, but I kept quiet.

I went back to Grandpa’s room and sat down beside him. I leaned in and took a close look at all the wrinkles and spots webbing his face. I gently smoothed his white hair, with the furtive hope that a neat appearance would keep him safe. It didn’t really help. He no longer looked like an eighty-year-old Golanchik. He just looked like an old man. A very old man.

I leaned back and stared at the ceiling. I can’t say for sure whether I fell asleep or not.

What I can say is that I heard the gunshot.

25.

[email protected]

November 6, 2009, 08:57:44

Subject: Update

Hey,

Dad passed away four days ago. The funeral was in Kfar Saba. The shivah is being held at Grandpa’s house.

I’ve moved into Grandpa’s for the time being, until things settle down.

You’re welcome to call,

Yuli

26.

[email protected]

November 6, 2009, 09:52:37

Subject: Re: Update

You’re not picking up. I bought a ticket, I’ll be there tomorrow evening.

Best,

Alma Rosenblum,

Emissary for the Jewish Agency for Israel in New Delhi

27.

[email protected]

November 6, 2009, 10:03:04

Subject: Re: Update

You don’t have to come.

Yuli

28.

[email protected]

November 6, 2009, 10:06:21

Subject: Re: Update

I’m not asking you.

Best,

Alma Rosenblum,

Emissary for the Jewish Agency for Israel in New Delhi

29.

I WASN’T ACTUALLY reading The Myth of Sisyphus that day when we visited Grandpa in the Jordan Valley. I mean, I’d read it once, before I enlisted, but when I tried reading it again that evening, I just couldn’t. To be honest, since my army days I haven’t been reading much. Or at all, really. I try sometimes, but I just can’t seem to concentrate. After a few lines, the words start bouncing and blurring on the page and I get a headache and have to stop.