My feelings for Lily are amplified unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. They’re even more amplified than the feelings I had for her when we were younger. It’s different now—stronger, deeper, more exciting. There’s no way in hell I’d walk away from her now like I did back then.

I know I was in a different headspace entirely at the age of eighteen, and that had a lot to do with why I didn’t feel like I should stick around for her. But I’m all-in now. I absolutely hate the idea of taking it slow. I get why we need to, but I don’t have to like it. I want her near me every day, because I feel absolutely unfulfilled on the days I can’t see her.

Now that we’ve stayed the night together, I have a feeling the ache is going to get worse. I’m going to grow irritable when I have to go too long without seeing her. She’s standing right next to me while we brush our teeth, but I’m already dreading that she’s about to leave.

Maybe if I offer to cook her breakfast, I’ll get her for at least another hour.

“Why do you have a spare toothbrush?” Lily asks me. She spits her toothpaste into my sink and winks at me. “You have overnight guests a lot?”

I smile at her and rinse my mouth, but I don’t answer that question. I have that toothbrush for her, but I don’t want to admit it. I’ve made a lot of small moves over the years that were all excused with just in case Lily…

After she left my place a couple of years ago while she was hiding from Ryle, I went out and bought a lot of things just in case she needed to come back. An extra toothbrush, more comfortable pillows for my guest room, a change of clothes in case she showed up in an emergency.

I had a Lily emergency kit, if you will. I guess now it’s more of a Lily sleepover kit. And yes, I brought it all to the new house with me when I moved. I’ve always had a little bit of hope that we’d end up together someday.

Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve had a great deal of hope. I’ve based a lot of my decisions on the possibility that Lily might come back into my life. I even chose this house over another one I was considering, simply because of the backyard. It looked like a backyard Lily would fall in love with.

I wipe my mouth on a hand towel and then hand it to her to use. “Can I make you breakfast before you go?”

“Yeah, but kiss me first. I taste better than I did this morning.” She stands on her tiptoes and I wrap my arms around her and lift her the rest of the way to my mouth. I kiss her while I walk her out of the bathroom and then drop her onto my mattress. I hover over her.