“I still want those things,” I answer slowly. “I just—”

“Then you need to keep your grades up. You have to go to SAT prep. Mateo, you know I helped you get a spot in that course because I believe in you.”

I look away from her eyes and stare at the posters on the wall instead. The school offers special help for students who need it, which means that Ma and Pa had to pay close to nothing for my SAT prep course. All I had to do was show up, study hard, stay focused, but now I don’t think I can do it anymore.

“I just… I think I’m gonna take the SAT in the fall instead.”

“You’d said you wanted to take it this spring.”

“I changed my mind.”

The corner of Miss Callahan’s mouth twists downward, but she doesn’t argue.

“Can I get that note from you?” I ask. “To get into class late?”

Miss Callahan blinks slowly. Something tells me that she hasn’t given up—that before I know it, she’ll be calling me back into her office, but at least she seems to think that there’s nothing left to say for today. Readjusting her glasses with one hand, she reaches for a blank piece of paper with the other and starts writing.

As soon as I take a seat in the English lit classroom, I start asking myself if I’m being stupid—if I should go back to apologize, to tell Miss Callahan that I still want to get into Tisch and that I’ll keep going to SAT prep. The thing is, as much as I want to, I don’t think I would mean it—not with everything else that’s going on.

At the very least, I tell myself, I’ll have to focus on my grades. I may be able to take the SAT later than I had planned, but I won’t be able to fix my GPA if I mess it up now. All these years of working hard, of taking such careful notes, of obsessing over my grades could be for nothing if I keep slacking.

And so, when I get back to Uncle Jorge’s after my shift at the bodega, I open my chemistry textbook. I have a quiz next week that I need to prepare for, but I’ve barely started solving practice problems when Jorge walks in with a smile on his face.

“I just talked to your dad,” he says, and I jump up from my chair.

“What did he say? Is he coming home?”

“Well… no. But we can go see him tomorrow.”