A fresh wave of anger washes over me as I think about the day Adam came up to me at school a few weeks ago, saying he’d heard about an open call for an off-Broadway play that’s beginning rehearsals this spring. They were looking for an actor who could pass as sixteen years old and who could sing and dance. We’d been dreaming about an opportunity like this ever since we first met. Suddenly, it felt as though all that time we’d spent running lines together, and training, and dreaming of being on a real stage had been for something, and this was it—our first real audition.

When Adam and I got to the theater earlier today and joined the long line of hopefuls, we were so nervous we could barely stand still. The line kept growing longer behind us, even as people started filing through the stage doors of the theater.

After half an hour of waiting, the guy in front of us turned around and asked, “So how did you two find out about this open call?”

He was tall, and blond, and older-looking. He couldn’t really pass as sixteen, but from the way he spoke—so confidently, with his back straight and his chin lifted a little too high—I could tell this wasn’t his first audition. When he told us that he was a drama student at Tisch, my stomach dropped. That’s my dream program. Looking up and down the line, I couldn’t help but wonder how many other experienced actors we were up against.

“How about you guys?” he asked. “Do you also study acting?”

Adam answered first, and I was grateful he did. He’s always been so comfortable talking to strangers, always had that loud voice and big energy that makes it easy to imagine him on a stage or in front of a camera. “No, no,” he said, flashing his perfect smile. “Well, I did the Teen Conservatory at the Stella Adler, but that was last summer.”

Tisch guy answered with a satisfied nod, even as my stomach sank lower and lower. That was only one of the programs Adam has done. He didn’t even mention all the weekend workshops he’s been to, or the other conservatory he did last year at a different acting studio. Ma and Pa can’t afford that kind of stuff, but I’ve been learning, too—from YouTube videos, from blogs, and from Adam himself. I’ve always liked to think I’m just as talented as him, but when he and Tisch guy turned toward me, I felt more insecure than ever.

“I, uh…” In that moment, it became so obvious—the fact that next to Adam, I’m quiet. Next to him, I’m short, less talented, less prepared. I cleared my throat. “I’ve never taken actual lessons, but I’ve learned in other ways.”

“Yeah,” Adam said. “Matt’s super talented.”