‘What would we tell her?’

‘That you have some business with lawyers, that you need my help.’

Vivian was surprised at how easily the lie had come to his lips. Had he been thinking about it all night, or was he naturally duplicitous? ‘Do you think she’ll believe that?’

‘No, probably not, but I don’t care.’ So not duplicitous with her then; brutally honest with her.

It was irresistible. Vivian was aware that she was being reckless, selfish and impulsive, but she couldn’t stop herself.

Enid agreed to come to the house to care for Mabel. Vivian didn’t ask her directly; Howard took care of that. She arrived at the house at 2 p.m. She kissed Vivian on the cheek as usual and commented, ‘I like your hat. When should I expect your return?’

Vivian beamed, touching the hat tentatively, allowing her eyes to slide to Howard to see if he’d noticed her effort. She’d bought this hat last time she visited London and had regretted the purchase as soon as she’d returned to Blackwell when she’d remembered that she’d never have occasion to wear it. It was quite fine and frivolous. Yet with him, for him, there was purpose. Purpose to the hat, to everything. He was all smiles and bonhomie; not at all his usual serious, severe self at all.

She didn’t know how to answer the question. They hadn’t discussed it. They hadn’t really thought this through. Considering childcare for Mabel, deciding what to pack and checking the train times to Derby and the connection to London had been enough to contend with. She looked at Howard as she replied, ‘I’m not sure. Two nights? Maybe three.’ He nodded his agreement at three. Enid sighed, and Vivian felt she knew the meeting with the lawyer was a fiction.

Vivian straightened her shoulders, a counter to the shy flush of shame that threatened. She didn’t care what Enid knew or thought, she could not stop this. Didn’t really want to. She kissed her baby, and as she leaned into Enid, she heard the words, ‘Be careful. Watch your step.’ Of course, her friend was probably only talking about taking reasonable safety precautions on her travels, guarding her purse from pickpockets and watching her footing as she alighted from the trains on the underground, that sort of thing.

She couldn’t have been instructing Vivian to guard her heart and watch her step in the more general sense. Could she?

38

IT WAS IMPERATIVE that they get away.

They had to have each other again, but not in Aubrey’s house. He couldn’t do that. It wasn’t just that they ran the risk of getting caught. Because so what? If they got caught, well then. It would not be the worst thing. It would not be a disaster. It would just be something. Howard was almost sure he’d gone to her house – Aubrey’s house – not quite knowing what might happen. Not knowing for certain. He had hoped, but not expected. That sliver of uncertainty made it tolerable to have had another man’s wife in his house. Impulsively he’d been able to take her in the parlour. The bedroom was out of the question. Pre-planning it to happen again would be sordid and awkward. He didn’t want them to sneak about like a gigolo and a married woman, or a man and his harlot. But he had to have her again. For him, going away was the only answer. Her too, apparently.