‘I once fought the system and you can’t win,’ she whispered to him. This cost her. Revisiting the time before Aubrey. When she’d thought she loved Nathaniel and could have him. ‘I thought I’d never find peace or happiness in the world as it was, but I was wrong. I have a daughter.’ She hurriedly reached for her bag for a second time and pulled out a picture from her purse. She placed it on the table between them, waiting for the approbation that always followed when people saw her baby’s image. He barely glanced at it. She’d laid it all out. Her story, her girl, her soul, and he had ignored her. Horrible, horrible man. ‘I am sorry for you. You are going to drown in self-righteousness,’ she snapped.

‘Not I.’

‘Well, then, in your stubbornness.’

‘I’ll come.’

‘You will!’ Wonderful, wonderful man! She was so surprised she stood up and moved to hug him in her exuberance.

Luckily the guard checked her. ‘No touching.’

‘What makes you think the army will go for it? Won’t they want to pursue my court martial? I offered to do non-combative work before and they turned me down.’

‘They’ve dug themselves into a hole with your case. This gives everyone an honourable exit. I think they’ll be relieved. They don’t want any more controversy around conscientious objectors. Besides, my husband will intervene if needs be. He’s a decorated officer, very well respected. I am married, you see.’

It was a non-sequential comment and the emphasis was all wrong. All she meant was that Aubrey could offer some insurance, security. That was all. She blushed again. He was beautiful. Compelling. She’d called him repulsive but she didn’t mean it. She thought she would but she didn’t.

She was apologising for being married.

‘Yes, you are wearing a ring. I’m not blind. You mentioned a daughter.’

‘I . . . I just mean he’s still alive.’

‘Good for him.’ He seemed amused at her confusion.

‘Many women are widows. I only say it to be patent.’

‘Loud and clear, Captain.’ He looked at her and his glance was provocative, playful, but his interest had to be trivial and fleeting. Of course it was. She knew that much now. Men’s attention was rarely fixed or sincere. She had done as Enid needed. That was all that mattered here. Nothing more.

28

OH GOD, HOW he’d missed it. It was almost painful to look at, in all its glorious perfection. How could he have ever found the village dull? The land flat? This life boring? Now he worshipped every inch. Clean, good land that sprouted crops, not corpses. Children playing, running and squabbling in the streets. Bootless and grubby but smiling and natural, not twisted, haunted. He noticed everything as though for the first time. Sparkling drops of dew like necklaces on young, smooth skin. Lettuces were strangely beautiful: greens and yellows, blossoming and swelling at the same time; they put him in mind of the rosettes given out at the country fair. He breathed in deeply. No stench of burning skin, blood or bombs. No hint of the acidic tang of decay. The air was beyond fresh, it was raw, as was his head. Noise unsettled him. Crowds and shouting made him wary. Birds singing, cows mooing, sheep bleating, however, there was nothing to cause alarm there.