sometimes, your fire can be

something that warms,

something that lights,

something that helps.

use it as a weapon

when you must,

but that is not all it is.

you should never be afraid

of your natural spark.

—when they call you feisty

i don’t know when our souls melded into one. maybe it was the moment we met. maybe it was the first time we kissed, or when we realized we loved each other. but you’re my favorite part of every day. you’re the best person i’ve ever met. i love you so much i don’t even know what to do with it sometimes; i can’t even put it into words. you’re the reason i know it will always be okay. you are the future i can see so clearly now. you’re the first person i share new things with. you’re the only person i don’t mind kissing with morning breath. i’d do it every morning for the rest of my life.

happiness is your constant companion now, and god, if it isn’t the best feeling in the world. you are opening yourself to others again. you are letting yourself feel love for yourself and those around you. the feeling of stability and equilibrium you had and then so agonizingly lost has returned to you at last.

so today, you surround yourself with your friends. you drink and eat and laugh and smile. you tell them you love them, how grateful you are that they’re in your life. and they tell you the same, all warm and bright and true.

you reflect on all you went through to get to this point. you won’t ever understand why some of it happened—honestly, you don’t believe it had to. but it did anyway, and you are here now, healed and rejuvenated and hopeful again.

it did not destroy you.

you think that even at your lowest, you always knew it wouldn’t.

judgment

you can hear it now—

a soft cry,

beckoning you closer.

you have no doubt

that this is what

you have been waiting for.

so go on:

your purpose

is calling to you.

you must listen.

i say your name like a prayer,

my very own miracle

come to rest in

my two hands.

there will always be people trying to control you. there will always be people snapping at your heels, trying to trip you up. you cannot be liked by everyone. somebody will always find you too nice, too mean, too much, too little, too big, too small, too this, too that. but do you like what you see in the mirror? do you like the person you have become and are continuing to grow into? do you sleep at night smiling from another day well spent? there will always be people who don’t like you, but are they you? are they really the ones that matter when it comes down to being who you are?

i started reading tarot on a random day in august, during the first year of the pandemic. i had been feeling lost and afraid; the state of the world was unclear, my love life was the least stable it had been in years, and i was entering my senior year of college and figuring out what, and where, i wanted my next step to be. i had heard from friends that tarot was something that grounded them, something that helped them feel less anxious in the face of so much uncertainty.