and her warmth.

i am who i am today

because of you, i’d say.

because you planted seeds

that i can now harvest.

and maybe she’d ask questions, like

what happened to him?

or where do you live?

all of which i’d answer truthfully.

and i’d watch her face fall

as i told her he wasn’t the one,

then her smile return as i told her

about the person who was.

i’d wipe her tears as

she learned of all the times

things didn’t quite work out,

and then see her celebrate

as she heard about all the times

things did.

there is a whole world

out there for us,

i’d tell her.

all we have to do

is reach for it.

you’re sitting in the park in your neighborhood. it is sunny and warm. there is a slight breeze.

what is it that you want? that voice asked you all those months ago. you remember what you said. happiness. peace. beauty. how the voice told you you’d have to give it to yourself.

“and did you get what you wanted?” it asks now.

you look around. you see children playing in the playground, their laughter floating through the air. you see a couple on an afternoon stroll, their fingers intertwined and faces aglow with love. you hear the birds singing and the wind moving lazily through the trees.

and you see yourself, taking in the simplicity of it all, a fullness in your heart where once there was a gaping hole. you see yourself as you once were: small and scared, picking yourself apart each day, struggling to give yourself the love you’ve always deserved. the love you are now able to give freely. the light in you that once was so dim, come back at last.

“yes,” you say softly, “i got it all, and then some.”

the sun caresses your skin, and you feel content.

acknowledgments

there are many people that have had a part in the writing of this book, whether they’re aware of it or not.

to michelle, i am glad to have found a publisher that is so dedicated to her authors and so understanding of my workload. (being an opera-singing poet in graduate school is not easy!) i am still very thankful that you decided to take a chance on me in 2020 and have continued to take chances on me since.

to my family, thank you for supporting me as i travel further into the world of adulthood, and for raising me the way you did. i am so grateful.

to alex, my most beloved: you are the best person i know. i cannot put into words how lucky i am to have met you and how much luckier i feel to get to love you and be loved in return. every day with you is the new best day of my life.

to ashley and kason, thank you for being such steadfast and reliant best friends. though we’re no longer living in the same city (or in ashley’s case, the same apartment), i know that we will always be there for each other.