and pulsing underneath every sentence that drifts around your head is: i am alone. i feel so alone right now, and i don’t know what to do. please tell me you feel this too. please tell me you know what i’m going through, that you share these burdens. these fears.

to them, you say, “i’m fine.”

but because they are your best friend, because they know you better than anyone else, they don’t believe you for a second. they look you in the eyes. say your name.

“what’s really going on?” they press.

so you take a deep breath.

and you tell them.

it’s the lightest you’ve felt in months.

the lovers

on darker days, remind yourself:

where is love if not everywhere?

it lies in your best friend’s laugh lines,

in your partner’s tender touch.

in the sound of music being made,

in sunlight filtering through the trees.

in the compliments people give to strangers,

in small, random acts of kindness.

my dear, love is in everything,

and in you.

always

in you.

in the past,

i always thought of a lover

as a necessity,

as important to have

as air or water.

now,

i think of a lover

as a desire,

something i could live without

but wouldn’t like to.

in the future,

i hope to think of a lover

not as a necessity

or a desire,

but as an embellishment:

the cherry on top

of an already wonderfully

complete life.

—shifting perspective

i love

with arms wide

open—

heart bared

for my lover’s hands

to wrap around.

i love

the way i need

to be loved—

with honesty,

with understanding,

with joy,

with everything,

everything,

everything.

i have fallen in love

with the way

i love people.

i’ve grown to know

that they really are lucky

to be loved by me,

in the same way i am lucky

to have our hearts

so closely intertwined.

there is so much more

to love than romance.

my best friends have outlasted

every one of my lovers.

i fear losing one of them

more than a breakup.

the end of a romantic relationship,

i know how to handle.

but the thought of the end

of a platonic one?

it is scarier than

any lover ever leaving me.

—platonic soul mates

when they touch your thigh for the first time:

yes, they find you hot. sexy. delicious. a body they could worship at the feet of. a mouth they want to dip their fingers into. a neck they could run their tongue along. but do they find you interesting? smart? equal? do they ask before they touch you? do they see you? do they say tell me more? show me that song you like. i like to listen to you talk, i think you have such wonderful things to say. do they tell you i love how you see the world? do they find you beautiful in the way you laugh, do they become mesmerized by the way you admire the changing of the seasons? do you feel desired for more than just your body? it may have been the hardest lesson for me to learn, but the most valuable: to know how to see one’s true intentions. to figure out how not to place love where only lust is waiting.