“I think the only way to leave these experiences in the past—in any shape or form—is to accept that they happened and accept that they changed you. And then, when old feelings come up again, remember that you survived them once. Acknowledge the pain. Process your feelings and talk it through. They might feel as strong as they did when it first happened, but the difference now is that they can’t control you. You got away from your ex-boyfriend. He can’t ever change the things he did or the way he made you feel. But you can choose how you live from now on.”

Kelly looks at me for a long moment, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“You’re the one who makes decisions about your life now,” I press on. “You decide what you’ll do, no matter how you feel. You have control over your life. You do. I know it doesn’t always feel like that, but you do. You can choose what to do with those feelings.”

“What if I just ignore them? Just choose not to feel them?” She leans slightly into the arm of the chair, pulling her legs up. Her arms wrap around her jeans and the sleeves of her thin sweater fall over her hands. Her blue eyes beg me to lie to her. I can’t do it though. I won’t ever hurt someone like that.

“I’m not sure that’s going to work; it hasn't yet, right?” I answer and her expression crumples. She moves the tissue to the corner of her eyes as I talk. “Acknowledge them—and then make your own decision. Whatever harm you suffered, whatever damage other people did, that’s the end of their power over you. You can decide to move forward however you want.” She reaches for another tissue and the sun sets slightly behind her, darkening the room. I add, “It might take time, and it might be difficult, but you can make those choices. You do have a choice to make, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Even when it feels harder to have a choice.”

She’s silent, absorbing my words.

“So, at work,” she says slowly, “when it comes up again⁠—”

We go through the situations at work that send her spiraling. We talk out different ways to respond and methods for centering herself so she can respond instead of reacting to what happens. We spend the last part of the session making plans for what Kelly can do at work and with her friends and with her family to remind herself that she has control. Not over everyone, but over how she chooses to respond.