“You love to be petted and stroked—and I don’t just mean like that. Your mood is mercurial, like you’re joking one second and intense the next, and . . . I dunno, you have this way of moving that makes me think of a cat. Sometimes I expect you to pounce on me.”

“I nearly have,” Zack admitted. “More than once.” He trailed a knuckle down John’s arm. “You reminded me of a cat earlier, but a big one, like a panther or a tiger. Though I suppose a horse would be more appropriate.”

“Nah, too many dick jokes.”

They lapsed into silence. Zack considered letting it stretch on, but he knew they needed to discuss this. He huffed a breath. “I owe you an apology.”

John startled and lifted his head. “For what?”

“Punching you.”

John settled back down. “Yeah, I won’t lie. That sucked. Everyone in my lectures asked me if I got into a fight. It was embarrassing.”

“I’m sorry,” Zack said. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I used to get into fights when I was younger, and I should have left that behavior behind in high school.”

John nodded. “Just promise it won’t happen again.”

“I promise.”

“I believe you.” John nudged the side of Zack’s face with his nose. “I’m sorry for what I did too.”

Zack hesitated. “Thank you. I . . .” He stopped, unsure of what to say next. He felt like they had so much to talk about, but he also had absolutely no idea where to begin.

“What is it?” John asked.

“Nothing,” Zack said awkwardly.

“You can’t do that to me. Shutting down is what got us into this mess.”

Zack’s temper flared. “I’m pretty sure you having sex with other—” He stopped cold. “Wow, I’m sorry. I guess I’m not as over it as I thought.”

“No, I deserved that,” John said. He was looking anywhere but at Zack. “I did a horrible thing and betrayed your trust. I really am sorry.” His face was so crestfallen, Zack’s heart hurt.

“I didn’t come here to shove it in your face. I shouldn’t have had sex with you again if I wasn’t ready to move on. I can’t keep bringing that up if this is going to work.”

John peeked at him. “You want this to work?”

Zack grabbed his chin and kissed him. “Yes, I want this to work. That’s all I’ve wanted from the start, even if I didn’t act like it. Look, John, I can’t say I forgive you entirely. I don’t know if I’m quite there yet. But maybe if we air out our grievances, I can come to terms with what happened.”

John nodded, but he looked miserable. “It wasn’t the same.”

“What?” Zack asked.