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Chapters (42)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for Luan Goldie
  3. About the Author
  4. Also by Luan Goldie
  5. Note to Readers
  6. Dedication
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Chapter Fourteen
  21. Chapter Fifteen
  22. Chapter Sixteen
  23. Chapter Seventeen
  24. Chapter Eighteen
  25. Chapter Nineteen
  26. Chapter Twenty
  27. Chapter Twenty-One
  28. Chapter Twenty-Two
  29. Chapter Twenty-Three
  30. Chapter Twenty-Four
  31. Chapter Twenty-Five
  32. Chapter Twenty-Six
  33. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  34. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  35. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  36. Acknowledgements
  37. Extract
  38. Saturday, 4 May 1996
  39. Chapter One
  40. Chapter Two
  41. Chapter Three
  42. About the Publisher

‘And how’s it going?’

‘It’s great. Really busy. But so great.’ Yvonne checks herself. No one wants to hear her brag about her job. ‘Of course I’m still only a junior publicist and the pay is terrible. Though this will be my last month at Sainsbury’s.’

‘Finally.’

Emma eats four chocolates in a row while explaining how many extra calories she can have a day. It’s strange to see her like this, so pregnant and knowing. Also, the idea that inside her could be Lewis’s baby makes Yvonne uncomfortable. It’s strange to think how at graduation Emma had talked about Geoff as being the baby’s father, but hasn’t mentioned him or anyone else since.

‘Stop staring at them,’ Emma complains.

‘At what?’

‘My stretch marks.’

‘Oh. I didn’t even notice.’

‘Lying bitch,’ she says pulling down her top. ‘Anyway, I’ve been covered in them since puberty. A few more don’t bother me.’

‘You didn’t have stretch marks before.’

‘What are you talking about? The backs of my legs are covered in them. I look like a cat scratching post when I’ve got a tan.’

Yvonne pictures Emma’s pre-pregnancy body, her habit of leaving the bathroom door open as she took showers, the way she’d call you into her room for a chat then begin stripping off. Emma’s complete lack of self-consciousness meant that everyone had seen her body a hundred times over.

‘But then, you’ve never been the most observant person in the world.’ Emma tips her head back and closes her eyes. ‘Crazy how fast time goes, right? Old people are always saying shit like that. But now I realise it’s true. Graduation was months ago. I feel like I blinked and missed Christmas and now I’ve got a baby coming.’

‘Yeah, I guess so.’ Again, no mention of Geoff, or Lewis. Why is Emma keeping so quiet about this? ‘How have you been finding things? Being on your own?’

‘I’m not on my own. I have friends.’

Friends. She means those on the large roster of names she keeps dropping, one of the many new people she’s met since Yvonne began devoting all her time to work. Last night, on the phone, Emma wouldn’t stop going on about Andrea and Cat and Frankie and Seb and Margot. All these people stepping in and following the pregnancy, in what should surely be the father’s place.

‘Friends can only help so much,’ Yvonne says. ‘What happens when it arrives?’

‘It?’ she laughs.

‘The baby. You’ll need more than a few friends to help raise a baby. And what about the birth? That’s going to happen soon. You need someone with you for that? Will your mum will be there?’

‘She’s on holiday. Singapore.’

‘How can she be on holiday when you’re this far along?’

‘Because I promised to keep my legs shut.’