Then again, but this time it sounds blurry, as if coming from under water. It propels her up and she staggers over to where his cries are coming from. The empty parking spot, marked with black skid marks and a carpet of broken glass.

Kiama kneels by the side of it while Emma lies in front.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Awol

October 2020

Yvonne

She returns to her room and talks herself into believing that she said nothing incriminating. But deep down knows and can feel that Kiama’s worked it all out. She lies on the bed and waits for her head to clear so she can think of what to do next.

It’s embarrassing how after such a short time here with him she had allowed herself to imagine that she was now back in Kiama’s life for good. As they drove into the city this morning they had shared banter in the back of Joe’s car and she thought, this is it, I’ve made amends. She had jumped ahead, and thought about the advice she would give him, the books she would send, how she would be the sole reason he decided to give college another chance, to consider university. She had pictured herself at his graduation, feeling the same pride Emma would have felt. She even had the boldness to imagine the work they would do together, using his compensation to put a therapist in front of all the traumatised children across Kindred Kenya’s orphanages. Something huge to make up for all the years she missed from his life. She alone was going to fill up the gaps Emma left.

But now, none of this will happen because of some humiliating old secret she’s allowed to resurface.

Yvonne looks through the contacts in the Nokia phone and stops on David, the generic name she chose to hide Lewis’s number behind in case of what, she’s not sure, but this was always the problem with their relationship, it only existed hidden behind something else. She picks up the hotel phone and calls him. He answers after two rings. ‘Kiama?’

‘No. It’s me.’

The last time she called him from Kenya was when she had to tell him that Emma was dead. Lewis had said nothing then, but she’ll never forget the way he exhaled with relief when she told him Kiama was unhurt.

‘Has something happened? Is Kiama okay?’

‘He’s—’ but she’s unable to speak.

‘What?’ The shock of his raised voice makes her want to sink deeper into the bed, to disappear. ‘Where is he?’

‘He’s fine,’ she snaps back. ‘He’s fine. He’s safe. But Lewis—’

‘Yvie,’ he asks, calmer now, ‘what’s going on? You’re freaking me out.’

‘He knows about us, he knows we were together.’

‘You’re drunk?’ he says. ‘You got drunk and told him? I can’t believe you. What did you say?’