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Chapters (42)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for Luan Goldie
  3. About the Author
  4. Also by Luan Goldie
  5. Note to Readers
  6. Dedication
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Chapter Fourteen
  21. Chapter Fifteen
  22. Chapter Sixteen
  23. Chapter Seventeen
  24. Chapter Eighteen
  25. Chapter Nineteen
  26. Chapter Twenty
  27. Chapter Twenty-One
  28. Chapter Twenty-Two
  29. Chapter Twenty-Three
  30. Chapter Twenty-Four
  31. Chapter Twenty-Five
  32. Chapter Twenty-Six
  33. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  34. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  35. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  36. Acknowledgements
  37. Extract
  38. Saturday, 4 May 1996
  39. Chapter One
  40. Chapter Two
  41. Chapter Three
  42. About the Publisher

‘I don’t want to look fine,’ Emma says as she pulls at the hem of her skirt; hopefully she realises that it’s a little too short for her, that she doesn’t need to show so much flesh.

‘You look great.’

‘I look shit.’ She takes a jar of Nutella from the cupboard and eats two spoons of it. ‘How dressy is this place?’

‘It’s a restaurant. Smart casual.’

‘I love your necklace by the way, looks expensive. You always have such nice things.’

‘Mum,’ Kiama stands in the doorway, he’s got on a crushed Brazil football kit with mismatched socks. ‘I can’t find any pyjamas.’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Kiama, don’t wear that.’ Emma chucks the spoon in the sink, which splashes Yvonne’s top with soap suds. ‘Why are you wearing that?’

‘Cause it looks good.’ He spins on the spot.

‘It doesn’t look good. Where’s your bag?’

‘Dunno. On the sofa, I think.’

Yvonne reaches over and tries to smooth down his hair, which is sticking up in a hundred different directions. ‘Why don’t you wear those black jeans I got you for Christmas? They must fit you by now.’

He clicks his fingers, ‘Good idea.’

‘He’s always on his best behaviour for you,’ Emma says. ‘He even made a point of putting the toilet seat down before you arrived.’

‘Aww, you’ve raised the perfect man.’

They both laugh as Yvonne searches around for a tea towel to dry herself, but there’s nothing. She can never find anything in this flat. ‘Em, what time is Julie coming to pick him up?’

‘Fuck knows. I’ve never been able to work out what time zone she lives in.’

‘Kiama, do you want me to pack your bag? So you can go and get changed?’ Yvonne asks.

‘Yes please,’ he says in triumph as he finds the bag. He throws it to her; it contains a few items of scrunched clothing and some paper. Kiama always has bits of paper. His room is littered with them, drawings mostly, of animals, cars, buildings.

‘Does he take his toothbrush with him?’ Yvonne asks.

Emma flips the gypsy shoulders on her top up and then down while pouting. ‘Wish I had something new to wear.’

‘Em?’

‘I don’t know. Nana will buy him whatever I don’t send anyway. Even the stuff I do send she tends to chuck and replace. Nothing’s ever good enough for any of her boys.’

The piping on the rucksack is burst and the zip doesn’t quite close all the way. Does Emma purposely send old stuff so it’s replaced? There’s a tattered school book in the bag, the cover part torn off and scribbled on.