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Chapters (42)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for Luan Goldie
  3. About the Author
  4. Also by Luan Goldie
  5. Note to Readers
  6. Dedication
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Chapter Fourteen
  21. Chapter Fifteen
  22. Chapter Sixteen
  23. Chapter Seventeen
  24. Chapter Eighteen
  25. Chapter Nineteen
  26. Chapter Twenty
  27. Chapter Twenty-One
  28. Chapter Twenty-Two
  29. Chapter Twenty-Three
  30. Chapter Twenty-Four
  31. Chapter Twenty-Five
  32. Chapter Twenty-Six
  33. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  34. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  35. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  36. Acknowledgements
  37. Extract
  38. Saturday, 4 May 1996
  39. Chapter One
  40. Chapter Two
  41. Chapter Three
  42. About the Publisher

‘Well done,’ she throws her hands out. Why is she acting like this? Like she cares so much? But the truth is the situation really hurt her. It also hurt her friendship with Emma. The secret forced a distance between them. Sometimes Yvonne put it down to her working while Emma didn’t, or Emma becoming a mother while Yvonne was enjoying the kind of freedom that came with having a well-paid job and no real responsibilities. But deep down the secret about Lewis was a big reason too.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I’m sorry for what happened between us. I know you don’t believe me but I really did lose your number and I really did go back to The Troika the following Friday to look for you. But you weren’t there. I had no way of getting back in touch with you. What did you expect me to do? Wait around? And we talked about this already.’

‘You think I still care that you never called me?’

‘I’m not sure. You’re definitely still mad at me, I can see that. Tell me what I’m apologising for?’

She’s surprised by how candid he looks, like he really can’t understand why she doesn’t have the time for him. ‘You liked the idea of having both of us on the go.’

‘That’s not true. As soon as I saw you again I knew I had to break it off with Emma. I knew I wanted you. But I didn’t know how to go about it. You act like I planned this all out. Like I knew you two were friends and that she was going to get pregnant.’

‘You liked the idea of having us both,’ she says again, because it’s the truth, that’s what this whole thing was about, his ego. ‘Even when you knew Emma was pregnant you were still suggesting we stay together.’

They step away from each other as a group of tourists come close, moving between them, in the sluggish way of those both drunk and lost.

‘You’re full of it. And even now, you’re flirting with me, as if anything could ever happen between us.’

Lewis leans against a shop window, ‘But I can’t help flirting with you.’

‘No, of course you can’t, because you’re a player.’

‘No, because I like you.’ He folds his arms. ‘I think there’s still something there.’

She grinds her teeth together and through them says, ‘There isn’t. There really isn’t. Especially, after everything that happened. Also, I’ve been listening to Emma moan about you for the last seven years.’

‘You should hear what I say about her,’ he laughs.