Chapters (19)
She pulls me over to the bed and sits back against the carved white headboard, then waits until I join her before curling up in my arms. I love how small she feels, wrapped up in me like this. “I could’ve done sports too, you know. I thought about cross country.”
“Well, maybe we should start running together.” I trail my fingertips over her knee. “Maybe you can kick my butt into high gear.”
“If you’re lucky,” she says, and I feel her lips curl into a smile against my arm. “Anyway, I just … didn’t like the constant competitive part of it. Cheerleading lets me be just as athletic without constantly looking over at the person next to me to compare stats or trash-talk another team. Obviously we have competitions and stuff, but most of the time, we just get to be positive together. And trust me, I know that is the cheesiest-sounding thing of all time, but like I said, it’s not a tiny thing for me to have what I have in the squad.”
“That makes plenty of sense to me.” Her hair is so soft. I can’t believe I’m allowed to just lie here and stroke it. Despite our maybe-fight, this might be the most at peace I’ve felt in a while. Maybe because we were fighting, because we care enough about each other to fight. “Frankly, I’m jealous you have that. Do you know how ridiculous it feels that I traded in my entire life to be on a team and now that I’m finally on one, it’s … well, you know.”
“I know,” she says softly. “But hey, I guess we’re a team now too, right?”
She says it lightly, a little jokingly, but as soon as I hear the words, I want them to be true so, so badly. “A very secret team,” I reply. I don’t mean it to come out as sarcastic as it does, but I can’t hide how it would make a world of difference to me if everyone at Atherton knew that I did in fact have someone on my side. “I’m not sure that quite counts in the same way.”
She shifts out of my grasp, the softness of her hair brushing my fingers before it disappears. “You know I can’t change that, right? Even if I could come out to the team, there’s still Miguel, and—”
“I know,” I assure her. “You’ve been clear. And I don’t want to hurt Miguel in any way, or make anything unsafe for him. I promise, you’re not in any danger of my blowing our secret. Either of you.”
Her face softens, and her hand finds mine again. “Thank you.”
I nod, and then we’re out of words to say, and soon our mouths become too busy to say them anyway.