Our Sunday morning games slowed to once a month, so I got a job at the Hat Hut and sold Jaguars caps until I could pay my own way to a much fancier football camp in Panama City. Technically it was only supposed to be for kids on actual school teams, but Morgan insisted we send in a few videos of me playing to get them to make an exception, and it worked. Then boom—the last day of camp, one of the coaches lets me know he’s in desperate need of a QB who can run and throw like I can, and if my family happened to be picking up and moving to Atherton (because of course he wasn’t recruiting; that would be verboten), he was sure they could find a spot for me.

And now we’re here. The number six. And an upcoming Sunday where the only football that’ll be thrown around in my presence is the one on my TV.

But Friday nights I’ll be under the lights, and that makes everything worth it.

I think.

I am grateful I am grateful I am grateful.

I keep repeating this to myself as I examine my skin to see if any new bruises have shown themselves yet, then pull on a tank top and pajama pants. I am grateful for this opportunity, and I am grateful that my parents are behind me, and I am grateful that they were able to afford a one-bedroom rental on top of their mortgage, and I am grateful I am grateful I am grateful.

I’m grateful enough that I force myself to text my brothers, even though neither one has spoken a word to me since my mom and I pulled away from the house a week ago. They won’t wanna chat—and I don’t either, really—but with the twins, it’s all about meeting them where they live. LOTE?

Busy, Jason responds. It’s more than I get from Jeremy, who doesn’t even bother responding to my offer to play their favorite video game. Under normal circumstances, I’d leave them alone, but I can’t have them icing me out on top of everything else.

This time, I don’t bother texting; I go straight to video chat.

“What?” Jason throws out sullenly. “I told you, we’re busy.”

“You know it’s a video chat, Jase. I can see you’re not busy. You’re sitting at your computer, and don’t pretend you’re doing homework.”

“You’re not here. You don’t know.”