And then, because I’m done denying it, because I came here to do something and I’m going to see it through, I say, “I do. And I also care about this squad and this team and this school. The same as I’m sure it would’ve been for you if Calvin had been on the team.”

I watch her try to compute the idea of me and Jack being just like her and Calvin, a wholesome all-American duo that likes sports and movies and going out to eat and whatever. Honestly, it’s hard for me to compute, after all the stupid hiding we’ve been doing. But the thought of getting to date like normal people, of getting to have nights like we did at Gutter Kittens but at Maggie’s, movie theaters, or the beach … Hell, even the thought of getting to wear her letterman’s jacket in public sends a little shiver over my skin. My whole time at Atherton, there’s never been an openly queer couple outside of the theater kids, and being the first isn’t exactly my dream.

But being with Jack is.

“I guess that answers why you were so adamant about fixing that cheer for tonight,” she says, and I’m so relieved that the first words out of her mouth aren’t anything hateful, even though I’ve never heard Crystal be hateful in her entire life. “And I’m guessing that isn’t all you have planned.”

“Still a joint effort with school spirit,” I assure her, “but yes. I’m sorry for going rogue. But I’m proud of her. And I’m excited for her, about the scout. And I want this night to be magical for her, as it should be. And I think everyone should want that, but they don’t, and they don’t want a captain who does. So, okay, that C isn’t in my future,” I say, gesturing toward the letter stitched onto her uniform. “I can handle that. Probably.”

“I know you’ve been working hard for it,” she says sympathetically. “Everyone does. But—”

“I know.”

“And no matter your motivation, these aren’t exactly team player actions.”

“I know.”

“Coach gave me a serious earful and—”

“I know.” I offer her whatever fraction of a smile I can muster. “Trust me, I know. I just wanna cheer her on tonight, and then I’ll fall in line or ride the bench or turn in my pom-poms—whatever Coach decides, okay?”

She gives me a quick nod, and my heart squeezes at the realization she may not fight for me. There isn’t much she can do when Coach gets it into her head that someone needs to be disciplined, but it’d be nice to feel like someone’s on my side after all the friends I just shed.