“Not really. Sort of. I mentioned something about it, and she shut me down fast because of you. Which is fine!” I add quickly. “I’m not trying to throw you out of the closet. It’s just … I’ve changed how I feel about it since I got here. It was that stupid date, making me want stupid things I probably shouldn’t want. So I thought I’d check just in case maybe you felt the same way, which, as it comes out of my mouth I realize is even dumber than I thought. I’m new here with no friends and nothing to lose. You’re … not.”

“When?”

Okay, not what I expected him to say. “When what?”

“When did you talk to Amber about this?”

It feels like I’m walking some sort of dangerous line here, and the wrong answer is going to put someone in a world of hurt. The problem is, I don’t know what the right answer is, or why. “Like I said, I didn’t really talk about it with her. It was, like, a two-second throwaway conversation when we were hanging out last night—”

“Last night,” he says flatly, and I know I’ve chosen wrong.

Fuck.

“Like I said—” I start, but he’s already walking away, taking backward steps away from me through the crunching leaves.

“Last night,” he cuts in, “she already knew I wanted to come out at homecoming, to bring Malcolm with me. Last night, she could’ve said yes if she wanted to, and she knows it. And today, when I talked to her about it, she might’ve mentioned that the only person standing in her way wasn’t me or you, but her. She’s the one who doesn’t wanna come out, which would be fucking fine if she hadn’t lied to us both.”

It feels like I’ve been sacked by a two-ton linebacker, and I close my eyes against the pain. Of all the shitty ways I imagined this conversation going, this might be the shittiest one I never even saw coming. Not that I don’t know that she has her own reasons for wanting to stay in the closet, but to lie about it? To both of us?

I don’t know if I get to be mad. I mean, you’re never allowed to be mad at someone for not being ready to come out, right? And it’s not like we didn’t agree to keep this on the DL. So no, I’m not mad.

But I do feel shitty.

Why do I feel so shitty?

Maybe because you want to show her off, Miguel wants to show Malcolm off, and once again, you’re the loser no one can be proud of?

Oh yeah, that’s probably it.