I could only nod in agreement.

The more we talked about the dungeon, the more I missed it, which only added a layer to my confusion. I missed the women I worked with and the thrill of people opening up to me. I missed the challenge of getting in someone’s head and the satisfaction when I pulled something liberating out of them.

Most of all, I missed feeling like I knew what I was doing with my life, but I wasn’t going to be able to just slide back into that mindset after our contract was up. I’d been ignoring my own needs because I was so caught up in the momentum of being busy, but I’d avoided these questions for too long and would need to face them upon my return.

A car was waiting outside to take me to Alex’s place, so I hugged Victoria.

“You’re coming to work next week, right? There might be a revolt if you don’t, so please tell me now if you’re wavering.”

“I promise I’ll be there.”

I arrived at Alex’s house while my thoughts were still in turmoil. I didn’t know whether to tell him what prompted my discussion with Victoria. I didn’t want him to think it was because of him or that he had any say in it. Why would he? We were “breaking up.”

Maybe down the road, once things had settled in the media we could be friends. There wasn’t a place for me in his life as his girlfriend, but there was nothing to stop us from being friends.

Except the fact we couldn’t keep our pants on around each other, and that I now knew he had the most talented tongue I’d ever encountered. And that he was the most infuriating, charming, perceptive, caring man I’d ever met. And that his hand holding mine felt like home.

Fuck.

I was so fucked.

40

Alex

I was on my way to being drunk.

It wasn’t like me to have more than one drink, but I’d been losing my mind over who Elena was with and what she was doing even if I knew it was none of my business. I wasn’t just learning how to play Lucas Steel. I was turning into the overbearing asshole.

She didn’t belong to me.

Even if she did belong to me, she was allowed to meet people for dinner.

All of that was perfectly clear when I was sober, but now things in my brain were a little fuzzy. I didn’t even know how many drinks I’d had since I’d given up on a glass after the second one and just started sipping from the bottle.

Like the classy motherfucker I am.

It was the secrecy that was killing me. Why didn’t she want to tell me who it was? I knew about her bridge club and her dungeon friends. We’d talked openly about everything from her family to our exes. Hell, I’d watched her ex fuck her and hadn’t felt a twinge of jealousy.