It’s hard to know if I’m even ready for that when my heart is beating so hard in my throat that I’m close to coughing it out.

“You’re breathing really fast,” he says, and it feels like he’s closer, but that also could be my, you know, complete and utter panic fucking with my perception. Good panic though. Definitely good. The bubbly high filling my head, the clammy hands, the urge to stand up and shake out my whole body, it’s so, so good. The little jolt that spears through my gut every time we inch closer. Good.

It’s all so fucking good.

“You want to kiss me because you think you’re going to die?”

“Actually, I want to kiss you because you have a very pretty mouth, and that gets my dick hard.”

His lips kick up with an unintentional “Heh.”

“I want to do it now because it’s a teeny tiny bit possible I could die tomorrow.” I’m still holding on to my stubborn denial that it won’t happen, obviously, or there’s no way I’d be able to go through with it, but at least if we do this, it’s one thing crossed off my list. One curiosity answered.

Will I like it?

St. Clare reaches up, fingers sliding over my jaw in a way that makes me forget which way I’m breathing. His palm finds my cheek, and oxygen eventually finds my lungs, and I’m breathing through my mouth in an intense state of expectation.

“Perry?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

Hearing those words makes me surge forward. My eyes squeeze closed, I grip his face between my hands, and I smoosh our lips together so hard I swear I nearly break his nose. My heartbeat is so fucking loud it takes a moment to pick up that St. Clare’s grunt was not a good one.

He jerks back from my hold. “Well, that was aggressive.”

“Thanks?”

“Not in a good way.” He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

Wow. Right. That doesn’t hurt. “It was my first time,” I try to defend.

“First time what? Being around another human?”

“Kissing a man.”

“What if I told you it’s not all that different to kissing a woman?”

“I’d ask you if you’ve ever kissed a woman before because that was nowhere even close to being the same.”

“Good. It’s a relief that you don’t go around attempting to pull the head off everyone you hook up with.”

“I didn’t try to pull off your head!” I’m so loud I’m surprised Lars doesn’t burst in here. “I was nervous, okay? That’s a perfectly normal, totally fine thing to be, and I don’t think that a little, well, passion is such a bad thing, actually.”

“I agree. It’s not.”