“I don’t… It doesn’t make sense to me,” he whispered while his shoulders shook. He pulled away and looked into Eileen’s eyes. “Did she say anything to you, ever, that may give you a clue? Was it something… Did she ever say anything to you that would make you think… Jesus Christ, is this my fault?”

Eileen stared into Simon’s sorrowful expression; his eyes a bottomless well of grief and pain. She said the only real truth about her sister she knew. “Clare was complicated and secretive and always so…hard to really know. Even as kids. She was my sister; we shared a bedroom, for God’s sake, but I’ve never felt like I really understood Clare.”

And when that explanation didn’t seem to help ease the pain on Simon’s face, Eileen grasped his hands and told him a lie.

“She loved you, Simon.”

Chapter 16

Clare

Twenty-one years before her death

Clare stood with the awkward cardboard and cellophane box open in one hand while she used the plastic tongs to pick up the glazed, jelly-filled doughnut her mother had requested. Careful to keep the box balanced as she placed it next to the other ten assorted sugar bombs she had already selected, all that was left was Eileen’s cream-filled éclair. It was Sunday morning, and all of them had slept late. Her mom had promised to make the coffee if Clare would go pick up some doughnuts.

“Fine,” Clare had groaned and taken the car keys from her mother’s outstretched hand. It wasn’t just that her mother wanted her to pick up breakfast. Her mother’s frequent requests for Clare to “run to the store” or “drop Eileen off at school” were actually Ella’s not-especially-covert attempts at getting Clare past the fear of driving she had developed since the accident.

For months after Clare had come home from the hospital, she hadn’t touched a steering wheel, but none of them really thought anything about it. It wasn’t until the following February, eight months after the accident she still couldn’t remember, that her mother pulled her car over to the side of the road and unbuckled her seat belt.

“What are you doing?” Clare asked.

“It occurred to me last night that you haven’t driven, not once, since…before. I’m getting out so you can drive the rest of the way home.” Ella opened her door and was moving around the car to Clare’s side before she had a chance to respond.