It still hurt, especially thinking that Eric and Lauren might now be together. Together at last with no spouses to get in their way. Some days hurt more than others; some days she still dissolved into a torrent of tears, convinced she’d made the wrong decision that day she returned from California. But the more time that passed, the less tears there were. Maybe it hurt a little less every week.

One day, she hoped, it wouldn’t hurt her at all.

The biggest problem was that she still loved Eric. That, and now knowing the facts: he had never loved her as much as she loved him.

The whistle blew, ending the game. Paige’s team won by one point, and the girls were chanting and jumping up and down on the far side of the field. “So I’ll swing by and get the kids at five?” Eric said, shoving his folding camp chair into its canvas carrying case.

She nodded. “See you then.” She watched him sling the carrying strap over his shoulder and turn to go, but after a few steps, she forced herself to focus again on Paige. It was still painful to watch him walk away.

Her weekly talks with Simon had been more helpful than she could have ever imagined. They spoke every Tuesday at 9:00 a.m., her time. As a co-executor for Clare’s estate, Eileen had been grateful to have the new job and all that she needed to learn to perform it; it helped to keep her mind occupied. Plus, it gave her and Simon a good excuse to check in and be there for each other.

“I still miss her,” he admitted just last Tuesday. “Sometimes I pretend she’s still out at the house working, unwilling to leave, and all I need to do is jump on a flight from JFK to San Francisco and she’ll be there, sitting in her office writing.”

“That’s probably normal…at least I think it should be. Have you decided about going to see anyone yet? A therapist?”

“No, I don’t think I’m ready. I think I’m afraid that if I do, they’ll tell me I have to stop pretending she’s just somewhere else. Anyway, enough about my grief. How are you holding up?”

“It’s two steps forward, one step back. For some reason, this week, I really miss him. Almost like I’m telling myself that what happened was no big deal, even though logically I know it was.”

“It’s because the divorce is getting closer to finalized. Your comfort zone is trying to talk you away from the cliff’s edge.”

“That’s it,” she said. “That is exactly it. Part of me wants to run back into that life we had, lies and all, and just bury my head back into the sand.”