She rocked herself a bit, back and forth, picturing Paige with a pair of Mickey ears and walking through the park holding Peters hand. She was not in the picture, nor was she in the imagined moments of Paiges high school graduation, first boy troubles, or practicing her slow-dancing with Peter in the living room before prom.

And as all of those images rolled through her head, Rachel started to understand why she was so afraid to tell her family about the tumorabout her very shortened lifespan. It wasnt only the breaking of their hearts and the disruption of her family. No, at the very core of it was the feeling that she was letting them down in some intangible way.

She wasnt sure how much time passed between closing the door and the soft rapping sound that came from the other side. It felt like only a few seconds but her shortness of breath and tear-streaked cheeks suggested otherwise.

Peters voice followed the soft knocking on the door. Rach, are you okay?

I think so, she said. She was ashamed at how easily the lie came out. Its my stomach and head. Maybe a virus or something. I dont know.

Sick to the stomach?

Maybe, she said. It made her feel guilty, but she wished hed just leave her alone for a bit. If she could just cry it out and deal with it on her own, it would be easier. Maybe then shed be able to bring herself to tell them.

Let me know if you need anything, Peter said cautiously through the door.

I will. Thanks. But if this doesnt let up, I think Im just going to go to bed.

She heard Peters footsteps walking away from the door. Rachel allowed herself a few more moments to lose herself on the floor. She stifled back her cries, wishing she was home by herself to just let them all out and get acquainted with the idea of death without her family there to make it hurt so much.

CHAPTER FOUR

Lucinda Masters quietly walked out onto her back deck with a pack of cigarettes in her hand, moving with stealth so as no to wake up her husband. Not that it matteredif he hadnt stirred awake when she got out of bed at 1:15 in the morning, he wasnt going to hear the door to the deck open up one floor below. There was a chill to the late spring air, but not an unpleasant one. Still, it made her wish shed grabbed her robecoming out in a tank top and a pair of her husbands boxers wasnt exactly toasty.