…and the lady on the video said the Dole Whip was the best food in the park!

Rachel was barely even aware that Paige had been speaking. She also saw that Paige was looking directly at her. Dole Whip, Rachel thought. Park. Shes taking about Disney again.

Yeah, but just ice cream? Rachel asked, trying to sound as casual as she could.

With pineapple, Peter said.

Yeah! So can we please put that on my list?

Paige had an ongoing list of things she wanted to try when they took her to Disney World for her eighth birthday. It was still two months away, but she had been planning for it as if it were tomorrow. Shed created playlists to listen to on the drive down and had recently started watching YouTube videos about how to enjoy your Disney trip to the fullest. The tongue-out-of-the-mouth concentration thing had come from Rachel, but the girls knack for planning was a direct result of her fathers DNA.

Yes, Rachel said, fighting emotion. It can go on the list.

She wasnt sure why, but something about Paiges planning struck a nerve in her. Her daughter had made plans that she, Rachel, might not even be around for. A wave of sorrow bigger than any other shed experienced all day rose up within her and she knew she was not going to be able to keep it down.

You okay? Peter asked, looking directly at her.

Yeah, she said, putting on a smile that felt far too fake. Just zoning out. Just…

She felt it rising upnot the words, but the heaviness of it all. Had she just decided not to tell Peter? Had she made the decision to not burden him with this? Or was it just that she was a coward?

Rachel? Peter said, concerned now.

Im not feeling the best, she said, the excuse coming quickly and without much effort. Getting out of her chair, she said, I need to run to the bathroom.

She was pretty sure Peter called out to her again, but she didnt hear it clearly. She headed for the stairs, not liking the idea of retreating into the downstairs bathroom to have a complete breakdown. The tears were streaming before she made it to the master bathroom off the bedroom. A low moan had started to rise up in her throat, barely audible as she opened the bathroom door. When she closed it behind her, she sat on the floor with her back against the sink cabinets. She bit back the wailing that wanted so badly to come out and wondered how long it would take for Peter to come up. She thought about Paige and wondered what she might be thinking in that moment.