But stick it out, give it another six months. It’ll get better. And you’ll find more people to love.

Tara: How do you know, Jay?

Jay: I’ve been through similar roller coasters, dear girl ☺

Tara: What did you do?

Jay: Cried a bit, laughed a bit. Drank myself to the doors of death, for a while. Each helps in bits, and not at all at times. The biggest problem was the emotional build-up that refused to come out. It creates a paralysing kind of stasis.

Tara: Yes, yes, exactly.

Jay: But now you need to start moving again, step by step.

Tara: It’s just—everything that matters is standing on the thinnest of tightropes. I’m terrified, Jay. I’m too scared to move

Jay: Waves of happiness

Touch of pity

Tara: What?

Jay: You’ve hit the age—no, the space—where you’ve started to feel the implications of tragedy, the unsteadiness of the ground beneath our feet. No one ever warns us about how dangerous it is to go excavating for meaning, do they?

Tara: So we have no control over anything? No control over ourselves, even?

How terrible.

Jay: There is nothing to control, just different parts to find. It is a fallacy to think we’re built to exist in some sort of ideal state that we have to knock and pull and push ourselves into. Discovering yourself is a journey, dear girl, not a battle, even though it feels like that a lot of the time.

The important thing is to feel it all. Feel the pain, write about it, acknowledge it. If he meant something to you—and it is obvious that he did—you owe him your pain, and there is no shame in embracing that.

The best way to do it is by writing. I wrote endless letters. And reams of bad poetry. And the words led me out of that paralysis.

Tara: What was the last great thing you wrote?

Jay: I’ve only ever written one great thing.

Tara: ?

Jay: I’m emailing it you.

Tara: A letter?

Jay: Yes.

Let me know when you’re done.

Tara: Two minutes

Jay: It has now officially been ten.

Tara: Done

It’s gorgeous, Jay.

Jay: Thank you, dear girl.

It’s a pity beauty is never borne of peace.

Tara: Are you headed to NYC for her?

Jay: Where else, who else.

Tara: I hope you’re a little bit happier than you sound

Jay: I am. Not by much. But yes, in moments, I am.

Tara: Otherwise, I’m scared for you

Jay: Haha, I’m scared too.

Darling girl, I need to run. They just announced my flight.

Tara: Oh okay! Run, run!

Jay: Please take care of yourself

And email me your phone number so I can call you Once in a while

Tara: Lol. Have a safe flight ☺