My mind’s eye raced ahead of reality, and there I was, in a world that was the world, but without Jay in it. It really wasn’t anything at all, was it? Just a place, roads and ground, with people and shops and cats and things. And I thought perhaps it wasn’t what Jay was, but what he meant to me. Without him anchoring me into meaning, into reality, my own life seemed inconceivable.

‘Please don’t go, Jay.’

It had been a colossal favour to ask.

‘How did you know I was here?’

‘I just knew.’

‘How, though?’

A bright fire was lighting up the water, and like Caroline, just like that poor fool, I knew the ship was sinking.

‘I think there’s a layer, somewhere in the atmosphere, where the frequencies of our feelings are stored.’

‘Tara—’

‘Jay, I know why Caroline ran to the ship.’

‘Caroline?’

‘Caroline. Don’t you remember? From the first time we met? At that wedding by the old fort.’

‘Oh, yes. Of course, of course.’

‘I know why she ran to the ship.’

Jay smiled at me, through my tears and his. ‘Why did she run to the ship?’

I started laughing. ‘She was trying to save him.’

He held out his hand and I tucked it into place, wound his fingers with mine. We stood side by side, at the blurry edge of the bridge, looking out over the dark water for a very long time.

Jay ended things with me before he left Berlin.

Our hearts were too alike, our hurts too much the same. I know he thinks he made a wise choice and I wonder whether he always will. For a week, we had stood helplessly by and watched my sadness seeping into him and his into me. We had marinated in each other’s madness, tasting the chips of pain like burnt cinnamon upon our tongues.

My dreams hadn’t taken reality into account and, as I watched us slowly crumble into each other, I was so very sorry to have pulled us together.

‘We were the only ones who could hear the music, Jay.’

‘You can’t light a match in a room filled with fireworks, Tara. Not even if you’re careful. No matter how hard you try.’