Did I really want to put myself through more of this shit when I started college in New York?

But what I really needed to be asking myself was if I was willing to put my heart through more possible destruction by having to see Ryan with the many women who would now be in his life. I liked to think I was just as strong as all the women who’d had a hand in raising me. Mom and her sweet, soft strength, Aunt Raven with her will of steel, and Anya, who could walk into any room, no matter how big or small, and make the air crackle with the silent power exuding from her like a physical force.

Yet, as strong as I wanted to pretend I was, I didn’t know a single person who would willingly put their heart through a meat grinder on purpose. And that was the equivalent of what I would be doing if I moved to New York full time once I graduated from high school.

Something that was going to be happening sooner than anticipated since I’d been working my ass off, getting extra credit hours through Trinity which counted toward what I would need to graduate. It meant I was going to get my diploma an entire year early. I’d already sent in my applications to Columbia, NYU, and one other university that had everything I was looking for. But even if I got accepted into any of those three schools, I wouldn’t be attending one of them.

Trinity was just as prestigious. Even Zariah would admit that much since she’d actually narrowed down her choices of law schools to Trinity or Harvard. Her love of the East Coast was the selling point for her, because Trinity, in fact, had the better program.

No, there was nothing wrong with going to Trinity. They had everything I needed to get a degree in not only the business management major I wanted to pursue, but also the languages degree I was more passionate about. The bonus being I wouldn’t have to come face-to-face with whoever finally won Ryan’s heart and have to fake how happy I was for him when it happened.

Maybe it already had. What had Garret said Ryan’s newest fuck buddy’s name was? CeCe?

I couldn’t help wondering what she looked like. If she made him happy outside of the bedroom as well as in it. If she would ever love him as much as I did.

Calling on all of my training under Anya’s tutelage, I pushed down the emotions that were starting to churn inside me, turning my mind into pure chaos. I just needed to get through this day, and then I could go home and lock myself in my room and let go for a minute.

I would get through this party, say goodbye to Ryan one last time, and never see him again. Because that was obviously what he wanted.

And what I needed in order to move on with my own life.