With love came pain, and I had drunk my fill of it.

Shuxiao glanced at the attendants, lowering her voice. “Don’t you want to marry Prince Liwei?” she asked with her usual bluntness. “Just imagine those arrogant courtiers who’ll have to bow to you then.”

“A pleasant thought.” A thin smile stretched over my lips as I imagined striding into the Hall of Eastern Light, the entire court falling to their knees like a rippling tide. An alluring temptation, to elevate those who had stood by my side and humble those who had scorned me before. Yet such satisfaction would be short-lived. This was not the life I wanted, not even with its trappings of power.

Shuxiao searched my face. “Why have you been so unhappy? Not just today, but since we returned here.”

I had not told Shuxiao of my feelings for Wenzhi. I had only learned them myself, still grappling with what he meant to me, what I had lost. Turning around, I gestured for one of the attendants, suddenly glad for their presence as a shield against these probing questions. She hurried forward, bowing low to me, her cupped hands stretched out. Such reverence unnerved me more than it pleased, but I had learned to feign indifference.

“Could you bring us some glutinous rice balls? The ones dusted in crushed peanuts and sugar.”

Minyi, who headed the kitchens, had sent some over with the afternoon meal. I had eaten them alone at this very table, stabbing one pillowy sphere after another with a jade pick, as though I could drown my misery in sweets. It had not worked, my stomach churning at the memory—even as a weak part of me craved the distraction, the fleeting pleasure on my tongue.

“Shuxiao, must you leave?” I asked. “General Jianyun leads the army again. Wugang’s sycophants have been dismissed. Things will go back to how they were.”

“I did not like it much, even then.” She laughed, resting her elbows on the table. “Even if I did, I am changed.”

As am I. Once, I had wanted nothing more than my family reunited, my home restored, a life with Liwei. And now, all those things were within my grasp, yet happiness eluded me still. Victory was not as sweet as I had imagined, or perhaps it had cost me too dear.

“Where will you go?” I asked.

Shuxiao’s eyes glazed over, a faraway look in them. “Home. I have been gone far too long. My brother will take my place here. He is of age, and this is what he wants. For me it was always a matter of duty.”

I basked in the warmth of her joy, though I would miss her dearly. “What will you do then?”

“Nothing.” She drew the word out, savoring it. “It would be good to spend a few decades doing just that.”