Once the ceremony concluded, the mourners surrounded Liwei, a few nodding to me in acknowledgment. My presence confused them, that I sat with the royal family despite having no official position. Their attention troubled me less these days, my mind already drifting to matters of greater import—lingering on precious memories, past regrets, and the faces of the fallen. They would haunt me for the rest of my days.

THE WEEKS THAT FOLLOWED passed in a blur. Liwei had offered me quarters of my own, but I chose to stay in my old room in the Courtyard of Eternal Tranquility, across from his. Perhaps a part of me hoped to find the peace I had known before, to regain some of what had been lost. This place had been my haven once—yet now its walls pressed closer around me with each passing day, the fragrance of flowers clogging the air. Nightmares tore me from slumber as I jerked upright—trembling, cold with sweat—trying to block the recollection of the feather’s heat searing my veins, the chill glazing Ping’er’s skin, of Prince Yanming’s lifeless body … and the light fading from Wenzhi’s eyes.

The Celestial Emperor did not return to court. He stayed in his courtyard and admitted few visitors. Was he still in mourning or recovering from his imprisonment at Wugang’s hands? I doubted he had been treated well. I doubted his pride would ever recover from being held hostage by one he had disdained as a mere mortal. The burden of the realm fell on Liwei more, to drag his kingdom from the claws of terror it had been clutched in. To repair frayed alliances and rebuild all that had been destroyed.

His cares were great, his responsibilities onerous. It was no easy thing to be a monarch, or at least a good one. Fortunately, he had sound advisors by his side like General Jianyun and Teacher Daoming. At Liwei’s urging, I accompanied him to court as we listened to endless petitions and briefings. I stayed by his side, offering what support I could—though inwardly I recoiled from the hard stares of the courtiers, the constant jostling for favor, the tedium of matters I had little interest in. Some days I could not bear it, wanting nothing more than to flee to the quiet of my room. Though even there I found little peace, trapped in the bleak solitude of my mind.