Before the solar flare hit, this community was stunning and luxurious, but now? Now it was an actual paradise sitting high on a hill, a gate at the front and unscalable cliffs surrounding it. I couldn’t help thinking of it as one of those medieval castles overlooking villages where those not as fortunate suffered and starved. And so, while I was deeply grateful to be safe and fed, I could not stop thinking of those who were not. The visions were agonizing because I knew the pain and terror I was picturing was actually playing out everywhere across the nation.

In five days, Tuck had not shown up with my parents. Which I prayed meant they were doing fine, and Tuck was taking a short breather—one he deserved. If something was wrong, he’d have come to tell me. He’d never withhold news like that or risk me returning someday to find that they’d been gone since the beginning. And if my parents needed this sanctuary, they would have been here by now. I didn’t let my mind wander further than that. I couldn’t. I could only picture them there, on their property, surviving and rebuilding with the resources they had. Thank God you didn’t move. Thank God you held on to what you had. The things the whole country was fighting for right now—animals, crops, land, and the know-how to tend it.

And the vision I conjured of my parents on their land brought me peace, but it also made my guts churn with longing. I was here, wandering through the gardens of others when I should be laboring on my family farm. It felt…wrong.

And I missed Tuck desperately. I felt hollow inside, like a vital organ was missing and I was just barely alive. Which, in the midst of paradise, felt deeply ungrateful. And yet, the feeling remained. My heart was twisted with too many emotions to manage. I stood on the cliff just past the house at the top of the hill and stared across the water, trying to picture Tuck. Was he still there in the San Fernando Valley? Or had he already left for Kansas? Surely he’d need at least a week to recover and gather what supplies he could before taking off again? Or, knowing Tuck, he’d be offering any help necessary to my parents and their community before he left.

I returned to Merrick Winchester’s home and went in the side door, avoiding the front room where I could hear voices and some soft laughter. Layne had moved into the house next door where Freddie had a room, but they were here now, visiting with Merrick. But I didn’t have any desire to socialize, I felt far too bereft. All I really wanted to do was sleep and shut off the deep loneliness and pain.

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