As if she had heard my thoughts from across the room, she glanced over at me, and I swore I saw a fleeting expression of what looked like sadness before she returned her attention to the two young women.

“Your first love is the hardest to get over, huh?”

I looked over at Hosea, who’d come up next to me. “Emily?”

“No, the hairy dude in the corner. Yeah, Emily. You told me about her in the joint, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.” We’d talked about a lot as I taught him to read. The truth seemed safe there in that prison library—locked behind bars just like us. I guess I hadn’t thought about how the truth was actually inside of my heart, and there was really no leaving that behind.

I gazed at her for another moment, completely mesmerized the same way I’d always been when watching her from across a room. Talking or sitting, but especially singing. And I suddenly felt guilty for disregarding her grief at what was basically the end of her career…at least for quite some time. I felt the hollowness of yet another way the world had been robbed. “We were kids when all that started,” I said to Hosea. “And nothing ever really came of it. She’s different now. So am I.” Another if. “And then there’s Charlie,” I added.

“The dude with the nasty shoes?”

I laughed. “Yeah, him. But to be fair, we’re all pretty nasty right about now.”

“We’ll get you all some new clothes and shoes,” he said. “It’s one of the things we’ve been collecting. Good footwear, especially, is going to become very important over these next few months.”

“I know. I thought about that. I’ve been making lists in my head of what will become vital and what used to be important but isn’t anymore.”

“I bet you have. That’s one of those special skills I was talking about.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“The world’s become so damn soft,” Hosea said with a sigh. “It’s going to need folks who have already learned how to do without. All that hard living under your belt is going to serve a purpose, man. Think about it, okay?” He put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ve got some stuff to do so I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Do you need any help?”

“Nah. You rest your body. You might not have much more of an opportunity to do that if you’re getting back on the road in the morning.”

I met his eyes. “How many do you estimate will die?”