Chapters (26)
- Cover
- Title Page
- Copyright Page
- Dedication
- Prologue
- one Love to Blood You, Baby
- two Good Help Is Fine to Bite
- three Once Bitten, Twice Snide
- four An American, a Broad
- five My Fair Vampire
- six Bite Me, Spank Me, Make Me Bite Your Neck
- seven Blood the One You’re With
- eight Love Lies Bleeding
- nine Dance with the She-Devil
- ten Is That a Stake in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
- eleven Countrycide
- twelve Headshrinkers, Blood Drinkers, Mental Blinkers
- thirteen Once Bitten, Twice Snide
- fourteen You’re No Body Until Somebody Bloods You
- fifteen Shrinks, Kinks, and Drinks
- sixteen Zombies and Vamps, Oh, Please
- seventeen This Is Your Brain Unplugged
- eighteen Dead Reckoning
- nineteen Fly Me to the Loon
- twenty Get Me to the Club on Time
- Back Cover
“Yes, you met with the Council when you were going to marry Oswald,” he said. “Now, if you don’t regain your memory …”
“But I will. I’m not going to toss away two years of my life because, ooh, I can’t face reality. I’m willing to do the hard work of wearing my big-girl granny panties.”
“You in big granny panties, how hot!”
“You’d know if you gave me a full-body search.” When he stopped laughing I said, “I’m also not supposed to flirt even though I’m guessing you don’t swing my way.”
“If I swung your way, I’d swing your way,” he said, and winked.
“Hey, that’s something I say!”
“Who do you think I got it from? All right, no flirting, but I’ll pass along a pointer I learned from a waitress. The higher the ponytail, the bigger the tip.”
“You have earned my respect forever.” I pulled out my scrunchie and gathered my hair into a high ponytail. “Now let’s have a drink.”
The sun was low in the sky, just edging behind the mountains, and the sky was deepening to indigo. Lily sat in one of the teak chairs beside AG. Mrs. Grant was mixing a shaker of cocktails, and Oswald set a platter of antipasto on a table.
“Sit by me, Young Lady,” Gabriel said, as he took a chair on one side.
I looked at him and said, “Why does everyone call me that?”
The others looked at Mrs. Grant, who said, “Because I’ve always hoped you’d act like one.”
“Ha, ha, and ha,” I said. “What are we drinking?”
“Pink cellos from my homemade limoncello, vodka, and cranberry juice.” Mrs. Grant poured out the drinks in martini glasses.
I took a sip of the tangy, fruity drink, and AG turned to Gabriel. “How is Charlie’s hotel search going?”
“He’s still looking in foggy towns for a place he can remodel into a boutique hotel for family members.”
“Do you want the responsibility of a hotel?” Oswald asked. He leaned back against a pillar facing us and I admired his shoulder-to-hip proportions.
“It’s Charlie’s dream,” the redheaded man said. “I can’t complain about him taking a time-consuming project when I’m gone so much.”
I was thinking that the vista was so beautiful and that it was such a treat to enjoy the evening with companions, to share this relaxed time, this spirit of camaraderie, when Oswald said to his cousin, “You’re lucky that you’ve got a partner who has his own interests to pursue instead of someone so bored that she … I mean, um, you’re lucky he’s got a career.”
In the silence that followed, I deduced that Oswald’s comment was a reference to me. I put down my drink and said, “Excuse me, but I’m feeling worn out. I think I’ll go rest.”
I felt their eyes on me as I left, and Gabriel whispered, “Oswald!”