‘I shouldn’t have said anything,’ he says again. ‘I just… it all just builds up sometimes, you know?’

Neither of us says anything for a few moments. Kristoffer sniffles every so often. I take his hand in mine, resting them in my lap. I don’t know what to say, it’ll all be OK, things will get better, something along those lines.

‘I saw how sad you were when Marthe suggested that we buy you out,’ he says after a while.

‘Well, there are worse things in the world,’ I say.

‘You can say it,’ he tells me.

‘I was,’ I reply. ‘Yeah.’

‘I’ve been thinking about what this must be like for you, all of this,’ he says. ‘You don’t say much.’

He’s thought about it. He’s thought about me.

‘Sometimes,’ I say, taking a deep breath, sobs trapped inside my ribcage, pushing their way out. ‘Sometimes I… I just, I mean, I just…’

I make it no further. 96

‘I just feel a bit lonely,’ I say.

He moves his chair closer to mine and places an arm around me so my nose is pressed against his T-shirt. I feel the soft lining of his hoodie, it smells of Kristoffer. I pull my legs up onto my chair and nestle into the crook of his arm, as if I were a child.

‘I think you deserve better,’ he says.

‘Soon you’ll be telling me that I should listen to my body,’ I say.

‘Well, it is important to listen to your body,’ he says, laughing and sniffling.

‘Do you want a bit of my blanket?’ I ask.

‘Thanks,’ he says, and I move my chair even closer to his and pull the blanket over us both. He leans back in his chair and his chin rests on his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder, it’s so warm there, wait for him to move and say that we ought to go to bed, but he doesn’t, he stays here with his warm body against mine, I let his warmth merge with mine, this is what it can be like, this is what it feels like. We sit that way for a long while, it feels like he might have drifted off. He wants to be here, just like me, I think to myself, pondering the thought deep within my warm, drunk mind where everything is soft, he wants to be here with me. I inch my way up and sniff at the hollow of his neck, he smells nice, safe. I take his chin in my hand and kiss him. His lips are sealed and dry.

‘Hmm,’ he says, his eyes flickering. He shakes his head.

He wants this, I think to myself, he wants this, he wants this. 97