Whenever I talk about someone new I’m seeing, as I tend to put it, my friends and Marthe groan; yet another man who’s spoken for, I have to stop seeing men who are married or otherwise attached, they tell me, it’s no good for their families. I act as if I feel guilty, pfff, I know, but it only makes me feel defiant, the idea that I should go around taking into consideration partners I don’t know, children I’ve never laid eyes on, that I have to be the one taking responsibility for holding back. Should I resist the temptation to reply when I receive a message in the middle of the night telling me that I’m hot or lovely or cool or asking what I’m doing right now, if they can come round, should it be me who reminds them that they’re spoken for, should I use my best flirtatious-yet-strict tone to tell them no, you’re taking things too far, think of your wife and children, when what I really want is for them not to give a damn about their wives or children. To go to bed all alone with nothing but my upstanding principles for company, to embrace myself in bed and think long and hard about just how much self-respect I have. Being good, being decent, leaves me with nothing. It’s not as if leaving things alone, remaining pure and ignoring those messages, will ensure that a much better man will pop up all of a sudden, someone true, someone unattached, who values you for the incredible woman you are, as my friends once put it. It’ll happen when I least expect it, they tell me, always when I least expect it, like a reward wrapped up in a bow, something I’ll receive for having held out on my own for 56so long, a gold medal for long and faithful service. It’s not my responsibility, when it comes down to it, I tell them, I’m not the one being unfaithful, and sometimes people in relationships fall in love with someone else, I want to say, feelings can develop even if you’re spoken for, but I don’t dare air that opinion around anyone else, I know how it will make me sound, poor Ida, going around hoping that he’ll leave his girlfriend for her, how naive can you be?