Mady’s Diner wasn’t open. Lucas wasn’t at Island Pie or the Island Inn, but I hadn’t thought he would be. It was after ten when I returned to the dark house. I wrapped up in a chenille blanket on the back porch and waited. I looked at the bay, the tops of the waves pearly in the moonlight. I worried, the way my mother used to worry. Lucas at the top of the lighthouse. Lucas slipping on rocks, slipping under the black water. And then there it was: the same old irrational thought, that I was to blame, that the act of filling out college applications had somehow led him into danger.

At eleven, I picked up the phone. I cradled it against my chest, listening to the drone of the dial tone. Then I called the island police. I almost hung up, but George Samson answered on the fourth ring, very sleepy, very grumpy, and then it was too late.

“It’s Lydia Moore,” I said.

“Not again,” he said.

“He’s not home. I’m worried.”

“I’ll let you know if I find him,” he said.

In bed, I listened to all the sounds of the island, a whole orchestra. The wind scratched the door, tapped the windows. A raccoon clanged the trash can lids together. Someone stood on the sand waving a conductor’s wand, a tall and regal woman. My mother. I could almost see her, on the outer edge of every dream. “I’m sorry,” I said to her, as she turned slightly in my direction. “I’m trying to take care of him, I really am.”

Then I heard the front door. I heard fumbling in the fridge. He was getting a beer. He was sitting alone at the kitchen table. I could see it as clearly as if I were in the room with him. I grabbed for the phone and called the island police again.

“George,” I whispered. “He’s home. I guess I was overreacting.”

I heard him yawning. “Okay. Happy ending,” he said.

“Did you even go out looking for him?” I said. “Or did you go back to sleep?”

“I’m awake,” he said, yawning again. “I looked for him! But, Lydia, you know as well as I do that when he doesn’t want to be found, there’s no finding him.”

It didn’t matter. Lucas was home. I told myself I’d tear up the college applications. I told myself I had all I needed right here. I knew it wasn’t true, but I was euphoric with relief. I took a deep breath and dived headfirst into a deep sleep.

Chapter 2

2