“Because you’re eight years older than me?”

“Yes. Or no. I guess it’s not that. I just don’t want to ruin anything.”

“Maybe there’s nothing more you can ruin. I mean, think about it.”

“You’re obviously not used to this,” I said. “You’ve probably never been turned down in your life. I mean, look at you.”

“Stop, stop,” he said, laughing. “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad. I won’t kiss you. I promise I will not kiss you at midnight. Nothing you could do would make me kiss you at midnight.”

We stood on the dock, thoroughly chilled. I had a bad feeling about what was coming next but for a moment I couldn’t remember what that thing was. I’d rather think about kissing Tuck at midnight.

“Can I make it up to you?” he said.

“Maybe,” I said. Suddenly I wanted to tell him something true about me and my family, something to invite him closer. I wanted him to know more about me, even if it scared him away. I had to make that offer.

I began to tell him about my conversation with Mrs. Grendle, what my mother had said about having a third child who lived with another family. How uncomfortable Cole had seemed when I told him.

“Whoa,” he said. “So what does that even mean?”

“It means—what if he didn’t die after all?”

“You said there’s a death certificate, though? And you found that article about it. And there’s a grave.”

“But—what if the whole thing was faked somehow? I know that sounds crazy, I know. Don’t look at me like that. I went to get records from the funeral director, but he’s trying to charge me an outrageous amount for them. I can’t find anyone who was actually there when it happened. I mean, no one saw his body.”

“Then what’s buried in his grave?”

I put my hands over my mouth, felt my breath warm on the tips of my fingers. “We could find out,” I said.

Tuck rocked back on his heels, regarding me. “No. No way.”

“We won’t find him if there’s no body. But if he’s there, we can put him right back.”

Tuck ran his fingers through his hair. “You know this is fucked up, right?”

“It’s the only way I’ll know for sure.”

“And probably illegal.”

“It can’t be illegal. He’s ours.”

“But you still can’t just dig people up. Even your own people.”

We heard splashing again and this time we both saw the seal, its smooth dark head popping out of the water nearby.

“Will you help me?” I said.

“I don’t know,” he said. “For fuck’s sake, Lydia.”