“A long and trying day.” He held out the book, nodded when I took it. I carefully rewound its wrapping and tucked it away. “That’s better. Go get some sleep.”

“And you’ll be here . . . ?”

“Tomorrow. I will.”

When I glanced back from the top of the ladder, he was still sitting there, watching me leave.

TWENTY-TWO

Tired as I was, I was restless in my bunk, so settled in a long think.

At first, about Daniel and my increasingly schitzy reaction to him. I’d hoped he’d be a friend, but was that all? And if I wanted more, why did I back away so fast when he seemed to be offering it? Was I reading him wrong? He wasn’t suggestive or threatening, like Ace or Dark Boy, but in a way, that was more unnerving, like he was sizing me up, the whole person, and how could I stand up to that? Until I got my past back, if I ever did, I’d always feel incomplete.

This confusion wasn’t easily resolved. I got anxious just pondering it, so I moved on to a comment of Jake’s that had stuck like a burr in my mind, about how the dens had our heads in the sand.

I’d try this thought cascade out on Rubio next time I saw him, but my brain was already working it overtime. What Jake seemed to be saying was that all our complaints about den life and the endless talk of leaving was so much hot air. Empty talk. A trope we’d got used to, when in fact we—that is, the dens—weren’t truly dissatisfied with our situation. As long as things remained fairly stable downtown, we got on with it and didn’t care much what went on in the rest of the world. Like, ‘survival’ was really about maintaining the status quo.

But raiding and burning a den? That was a different story.

Clearly Jake and Daniel had known each other for a while. Daniel had access to the sort of info we claimed to need but couldn’t get. So why did Jake wait so long to bring him downtown? And was his news really a surprise? I’d accepted the Mainland as a common goal, but really, it was the younger denfolk who fantasized about escape. Rubio or Jake might talk about changing dens, but never about leaving the Island.

Maybe Rousseau, Maxine, Tall Tommy, and the rest preferred being den leaders, controlling their own bit of turf. If denfolk all took off to the Mainland, where would their power base be? And if society and government really was crashing and burning on the Mainland, best we learn about it now so we’ll forget about going there and focus on preserving the den system and everyone’s place in it.