“Ta,” Jude says when I place the mug in front of him, and then laughs. “Sorry, this is a little awkward, isn’t it? Meeting someone who’s supposed to be impersonating me.”

I put up my hands. “Don’t think of it like that. Just think of it like a coach. Or a copy editor. I’m helping you come across as the best version of yourself on paper. Or, you know, the screen.”

Jude nods. “Yeah, I’ve gathered I need some help in that department. The problem is, I absolutely never know what to write back, and then I forget, and before I know it I’ve accidentally ‘ghosted.’ Or something. That’s what a couple of the girls called it.”

I nod. “Writing is a skill set. You’re basically just hiring a consultant to help you with getting your foot in the door. No different than if you hired, say, someone to help you with your résumé.”

“Right, right.” Jude nods as he takes a sip from his mug. “So, how does this work exactly? Do I get to pick my matches?”

“Well,” I begin, settling into my spiel. “We essentially offer packages. So with your basic package, you can pick your matches and our goal is to get you to an initial in-person date. Now, you can always add à la carte services like, for example, getting one of our matchmaking consultants . . .” (Georgie, also known as Leanne’s assistant/graphic designer/social media manager) “. . . to help you select your possible matches. Another add-on we do is a photography package. Our photo consultant—who is absolutely fantastic by the way—can help with picking and enhancing your profile pictures,” I say, planting the seeds for throwing some work Aisha’s way. “We even have conversational coaches who can help with in-person dates.” That would be Giles, Leanne’s lawyer who—for reasons unbeknownst to us—owes Leanne some sort of epic favor.

“I see,” Jude says.

“Now, we do offer other packages. Our silver package will get you up to a third date and includes three photo enhancements built in, along with a phone consultation with our conversational coach. Or our gold package, which is the whole shebang: We will work with you up to and including a tenth date. We’ll set up a photo shoot and provide you with up to ten retouched and varying photo options for your profile. Our conversational consultant will be available to you on demand and can even surreptitiously attend a date to help you with your speaking skills via a headset.” Which we can only offer because no one ever picks the gold package. We certainly don’t own the equipment and I’m pretty sure Giles has no idea that’s even an option.

“Wow,” Jude says, nervously squeezing out the lemon in his drink. “Sounds very James Bond.”