Chapters (25)
- FURTHER FOOLISHNESS
- *
- Contents
- Preface
- FOLLIES IN FICTION
- I - Stories Shorter Still
- II - Snoopopaths; or, Fifty Stories in One
- III - Foreign Fiction in Imported Instalments
- MOVIES AND MOTORS, MEN AND WOMEN
- IV - Madeline of the Movies: A Photoplay Done Back into Words
- V - The Call of the Carburettor, or, Mr. Blinks and His Friends
- VI - The Two Sexes in Fives or Sixes a Dinner-Party Study
- VII - The Grass Bachelor's Guide with Sincere Apologies to the Ladies' Periodicals
- VIII - Every Man and His Friends Mr. Crunch's Portrait Gallery
- IX - More than Twice-Told Tales; or, Every Man His Own Hero
- X - A Study in Still Life—My Tailor
- PEACE, WAR, AND POLITICS
- XI - Germany from Within Out
- XII - Abdul Aziz Has His
- XIII - In Merry Mexico
- XIV - Over the Grape Juice; or, the Peacemakers
- XV - The White House from Without In
- TIMID THOUGHTS ON TIMELY TOPICS
- XVI - Are the Rich Happy?
- XVII - Humour as I See It
"Ah, good, excellent—for the interior." The little Mexican retreated into his shack and I could hear him murmuring, "For the interior, excellent," as he moved to and fro.
Presently he reappeared, a look of deep sorrow on his face.
"Alas," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "I am desolado! It has gone! The next train has gone!"
"Gone! When?"
"Alas, who can tell? Yesterday, last month? But it has gone."
"And when will there be another one?" I asked.
"Ha!" he said, resuming a brisk official manner. "I understand. Having missed the next, you propose to take another one. Excellent! What business enterprise you foreigners have! You miss your train! What do you do? Do you abandon your journey? No. Do you sit down—do you weep? No. Do you lose time? You do not."
"Excuse me," I said, "but when is there another train?"
"That must depend," said the little official, and as he spoke he emerged from his house and stood beside me on the platform fumbling among his railway guides. "The first question is, do you propose to take a de facto train or a de jure train?"
"When do they go?" I asked.
"There is a de jure train," continued the stationmaster, peering into his papers, "at two p.m. A very good train—sleepers and diners—one at four, a through train—sleepers, observation car, dining car, corridor compartments—that also is a de jure train—"
"But what is the difference between the de jure and the de facto?"
"It's a distinction we generally make in Mexico. The de jure trains are those that ought to go; that is, in theory, they go. The de facto trains are those that actually do go. It is a distinction clearly established in our correspondence with Huedro Huilson."
"Do you mean Woodrow Wilson?"
"Yes, Huedro Huilson, president—de jure—of the United States."
"Oh," I said. "Now I understand. And when will there be a de facto train?"
"At any moment you like," said the little official with a bow.
"But I don't see—"
"Pardon me, I have one here behind the shed on that side track. Excuse me one moment and I will bring it."
He disappeared and I presently saw him energetically pushing out from behind the shed a little railroad lorry or hand truck.
"Now then," he said as he shoved his little car on to the main track, "this is the train. Seat yourself. I myself will take you."
"And how much shall I pay? What is the fare to the interior?" I questioned.
The little man waved the idea aside with a polite gesture.
"The fare," he said, "let us not speak of it. Let us forget it How much money have you?"
"I have here," I said, taking out a roll of bills, "fifty dollars—"
"And that is all you have?"
"Yes."